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prismaticbleedChurch ❤ i need it like lifeblood
Really struggling with "double-mindedness"; i.e. IMPURITY OF HEART. thats terrifying. But its true.
Weirdly I'm really grateful that God is showing me EXACTLY how depraved I truly am-- and therefore how much I need salvation.
Its war. My brain is COMPULSIVELY inviting i buy food, prepare food, destroy food, etc. And I ACTIVELY DO NOT WANT TO. Like I will literally CRY in frustrated panic when I get home and see the groceries. I don't want this. But its that OCD hell. I don't want it BUT the "not doing it" leaves me with this "unresolved spinning wheel" feeling that screams until I do it. WHY. And WHY THE FOOD???
Honestly we do have two leads, fused. First is the oldest, which Infinitii has repeatedly affirmed, which is the "eating as a replacement for intimacy" problem. The second is tied to it: using eating time as Bible Study time, aka intimacy with God's Word time, aka "repetitive motor function that quiets my brain time".
SO! We theoretically need TWO THINGS to "fill the gap" of time and labor that crushing the binges will leave=
1. Intimacy
2. Physical labor
The first is TERRIFYING and/or DISGUSTING for some reason, at least to half of us. The other half want intimacy so badly they could die of touch starvation, pun fully and fatally intended.
The second feels WORTHLESS unless it is "service work" and not personal work. Which is killing the League, and feeding self hatred.
...
Shopping
SHIRTS
Books? Surprise. Check em
Bettys sister
More eating = intimacy talk
Family trouble = motherhood, fam dinners, etc
Tuna bonding realization
Imagining intimacy; still 1000% xenophilic
VENTRIUM??
Sneasler feelings
Shocked at how close she locked on already
Breakfast at 5PM 😂 no appetite.
Carrots & lettuce still a binge trigger
Bible study
Desire is NEUTRAL? But INNATE and DESTINED FOR GOOD???
Still typing on this
" The just shall live by faith"
Sudden led topic
"That is, the man who is accounted just or righteous before God, shall be made and continue such, and consequently shall live a spiritual life here, and receive eternal life hereafter, by faith. This is the way God hath chosen: see on Romans 1:17. And the law — Strictly considered; is not of faith — Doth not allow, or countenance, the seeking of salvation in such a way. In other words, the seeking justification, by keeping the law, whether moral or ceremonial, is quite a different thing from seeking it by faith. For the law saith not, Believe, but, Do, and live; its language is, The man that doeth them — Namely, the things commanded; shall live in, or by them —
Another day I can't settle into Bible study while eating
I think God is trying to disconnect the two?? So I no longer feel obligated to eat in order to study
