062323

[prismaticbleed]

 
Hell night
Thought we were dying

... 

Got lots of stomach pain & chest heavy fatigue from food. 

CHARBEL MASS
4 HOURS DUDE

GUNSHOT CONFESSION
(someone started setting off fireworks outside AS we were saying confession near the altar?? but it was SO abrupt and unexpected and bizarre that it immediately registered as gunfire. as far as our awareness was concerned, we were suddenly in a warzone, terrorists ready to storm the building and kill us all. so that confession quickly became very grave. we literally, literally thought were were going to die within moments, and this was our last absolution before coming face-to-face with God.)

Need to PRAY TO FORGIVE MYSELF
I'm wondering if THAT is part of what will bring Infi back
⭐Remember the realization = HOW ZE WAS BORN. MY HEART HAS TO BE MADE NEW FIRST.
ALSO "Create in me a pure heart, God. Make my spirit right again. (Psalms 51:10 ICB)"

Lapide commentary on baptism & Bethesda = Christ the Lamb Blood IN the water, "immersion" of Passion, PSALM 42
The water that heals is TROUBLED, but by an ANGEL
First one was healed only = by faith & zealous pursuit of grace = unity with CHRIST 

...

That religious talk socialish girl is a HOLLOW MOUTHPIECE, an actress. She speaks from a deeper truth, obviously, but she speaks in a canned & theatrical manner with NO FEELINGS!!!
SHE IS THE ONE WHO RUNS THE TUMBLR!!!!!!

For the record, I HONESTLY LOVE SCRIPTURE SO MUCH.

...

Losing hope lately, with the resurgences of eating disorder thanks to family interference/ compulsion/ stress.
"Do you want to be made well?"
Honestly I think I'm afraid of what well would look like.
we always assume that "getting better" involves self-destruction. it's so strange. we have this deepseated corrupt belief that the "best thing for us" is for us to suffer more. like, what everyone else would call "healing" would in actuality be a death for us. why do we think this? what outcome do we fear, can we concretely name it?


(unfinished)