prismaticbleed | thursday thoughts (Reply)

one thing I must always remember and that fills my heart with joy:

my "spiritual hunger" will always be there, but it can also always be satisfied.

it is a hunger for Christ and His Gospel, for God and His Word, it is a hunger that my soul will always be grateful to have because when I "taste and see" what God has given us to know of Him in this world… it's everything, it's all I'll ever want or need, it's bliss.

it's destroying the eating disorder at long last and I am so grateful for that.

thank you saint jude!!

you know, I was always iffy about praying to saints because I didn't understand it. then I realized, these are humans like me, who through a life of striving for holiness, were given such graces through God's mercy that, now that they are in heaven, they take great joy in helping us FOR God's glory, through God's glory, through the gifts God bestowed upon them in their obedience because as virtuous people they are able to intercede for us in honest actual love and charity and prudence and sincerity.

saint jude, patron of the hopeless, is "giver of joy" and "gentle" and he wrote that letter to the suffering church encouraging them to stay strong and persevere in their faith no matter what, and I am sure that in heaven, he wants to do that for ALL of us here who are feeling the same, and God wants him to do that too, for His name's sake-- because God GAVE saint jude that ability to help the "hopeless," because God IS hope, and God is working THROUGH saint jude for that purpose… words don't quite explain it well enough but that's the truth of it.

"God rests in the saints and even in their very names, in their very images; it is only necessary to use their images with faith, and they will work miracles."

-St. John of Kronstadt

big mistake today: feeling "obligated" to eat the onions in the food I unwisely mixed, and after doing so, having a small binge and having to throw it up. I was very sorry. I am very sorry. I wasted money and time and it was a foolish action.

I have to pray ALWAYS about this. yes saint jude is helping me, yes my mother mary is helping me, yes my beloved jesus christ is helping me, but I have to LISTEN and OBEY them for their goodness to bear fruit in me. my heart has to remain soft and open and loving and childlike and willing to simply, honestly, immediately do what I am told, because I adore and trust God and his holiness and I know He will only lead me in right paths. so I must surrender to Him totally, which can only happen in that childlike mindset of simplicity and warm gentleness and willingness to be kind and free.

again, words don't cut it. but I know the feeling, and it defines the truth of me, and I will do my best to keep it constant in me, and forbid anything harmful or deceitful from getting in the way.

talk about:

the love of christ!! eucharist especially, I'm "understanding" it more, it's gorgeous.

more of the "hungry for God's word" thing, and the excited joy I get when I realize that it is INFINITE. it's why I "can eat forever" with food, because I'm REALLY looking to feed my soul with God, whose goodness IS infinite, and THAT is what I really want.

I need to carry a Bible with me always, to satiate that hunger whenever it is accidentally rerouted.

but I need to be prudent about actual food too, which again, is easy when I just ask God first.