ed-analysis1

[prismaticbleed]

Why do you want the money?
To buy granola.
There is shame around that word. Why?
Because I am ashamed of eating food.
Why?
It makes me feel like a pig.
Why would eating make you feel like that?
Consuming makes me ill. I don't want to be eating things I don't need.
Do you need the granola?
No.
Then why are you buying it?
I enjoy it. Is that bad?
No, as long as it is wise enjoyment.
I keep throwing it out because I'm afraid to eat it.
Why?
I'm afraid to eat anything that's not vegetables.
Why?
I'm afraid that only vegetables are 'good food.'
Every food is a good food. Do not judge.
All right, then is this a wise food to eat?
You tell me.
I can't tell if it's making me sick or not.
Last night it did.
Yeah, the sugar content. Why do I keep buying it?
You said you enjoy it.
Yeah. I do. I really do, but maybe that's just foolish. I enjoy my work more but it's overwhelming to my mind.
So meditate.
I should. I just feel so guilty about eating.
Why?
because… I guess I don't like seeing eating being treated so irreverently? Like sex, same thing. It's just a biological function. But people are so careless about it. I see my family eating, just shoveling food down, not paying attention, not caring what goes into their body. It makes me sick and ashamed to eat.
You do not need to act like that.
True. I want to be aware of what I eat, and caring, and reverent. But I'm scared to eat! I want to eat light and sound. Not food.
Should you fast more?
Maybe? Part of me is scared to. Part of me wants to eat and gets angry when it can't.
Why?
It's hungry for something. It's addicted, or attached, to the eating maybe?
What would it be addicted to? The flavor? The experience?
The word 'flavor' brought up more hatred, judgment.
Why?
It's tied to 'hedonism.' To 'marketing food' based on whether or not it's 'fun to eat' instead of taking care of the body. That makes me so upset, because I don't want to act like that. Yet I see it out there and I fall prey to it.
Why?
Because I can sometimes use food as medicine? Or a drug? And 'flavor' plays a part. Senses are fascinating.
So you do not have a problem with taste. Just the handling of the word.
I suppose?



(ended abruptly)