041314

[prismaticbleed]

 

I really need to stop going online, especially on all socially-based websites.

There is nothing, nothing worse for my mental state than the sort of chatter I unfailingly seem to encounter in "public," moreso on a computer than on the road, because I can at least pick and choose in physical reality. Online, not so much, especially not here. Things broadside me, and then I'm spending the rest of the day fighting off intrusive thoughts and flashbacks and self-loathing resurgences and numbing burnouts. It is not worth it, for one second of shock to turn into six hours of fallout.

I've tried the "exposure" thing, we really have. That was Cannon's big thing: "get used to it." But it backfired horrifically. Our condition went downhill very fast as a result of that thought process, and it left scars that unfortunately don't look like they're going to fade. in short, there are certain states of mind that do not benefit from re-experiencing triggering or unsettling situations, and ours has proved to be one of them. So I cannot force any of us to endure this anymore, even unintentionally.

Honestly, I only really use the internet for archive updates, or catching up on the news. There are maybe 5 webcomics I still read, but it's casual, and I don't mind catching up 4 months late if I must. Everything else I've either quit or abandoned, and it's a huge relief. I'm just hesitating calling it quits entirely, again, because if I slack off on personal updates then my temporal memory tends to suffer as well. Thankfully though I can type updates on my own time and just post them when needed, without going anywhere else.

No use rambling though. I know, full well, that Tumblr is terribly dangerous for someone like me. Most websites are, but this one is especially bad.

I'm going to try to stay offline for a few weeks at least, save for any relevant archive updates. We desperately need to recover and this exposure is not helping towards that.