nov 24

[prismaticbleed]

 

Tried to leave the house today... ended up having one of the most violent, abusive, catastrophically switchy meltdowns I've had in over a year.
It lasted a solid hour.
Now I'm shaking, numb, weak and dizzy, and I don't know how I'm going to deal with the next 6 hours until we can (hopefully) safely sleep.

Still. I like to think we don't have social anxiety of any sort, of course not, that's ridiculous.
But we get panic attacks EVERY time we drive, we can't be alone anywhere without suddenly getting switchy as all hell, and the slightest notion of interacting with people in public causes us to freak out and/or shut down. It's virtually impossible to rein in or control. That's scary. It really is.

Sorry for venting. I'm just worn out, and trying to manage this bodily pain now without relapsing into abusive coping methods. Therapy is tomorrow morning, so let's hope we can make honest progress there for once.