quick spice notes

[prismaticbleed]

Good morning!
Just taking a few quick notes before therapy, on behalf of the "spice" voice (we really need to find her real name; she's specifically said that 'spice' is not it-- she wants a name that has nothing to do with food).
I've found my old food journals, that she has indeed written in, and I've realized something notably strange?
There is a MARKED and rather shocking difference in both my diet and my attitude between 2011 and 2012. I didn't have to stop eating meat until around MAY of last year-- which shocked me, as it feels like I haven't eaten it in years! And I didn't cut out gluten for good until MARCH of last year!! What even, man? Do I have switching to thank for this? I honestly do not remember eating that stuff. Even weirder, though, is that in the old food journals, instances of eating those foods ARE marked with "got sick," "fever chills," "hives," "threw up," "extremely nauseous," etc... but that's it. It's all disturbingly nonchalant, sometimes even adding "don't worry about it." Dude, I DO remember one morning you ate a bowl of some sort of rice cereal, and you were honestly bedridden from pain for the rest of the day. Don't tell me you forgot that. It was really, raelly painful.
But this "Spice" voice didn't start talking again until June. There were 4 straight days of her loud protests, then other people started writing in it, and then the journal stopped completely. It had become far too difficult to keep up at that point, obviously.
By the way, yes, I did say "again."
I totally forgot until today, BUT! When I was younger and being treated for anorexia, my food journals were incredibly bipolar, if you'll forgive the term. My nutritionist was baffled by them, I remember. Some pages were even torn, shredded with inkstains, huge angry letters scrawled across them, insults and protests... and then, lower down on the same page, calm and weirdly cheerful reassurances, "calm down! you'll be okay!" This would repeat, all the time.
Kind of freaky, to only realize that now, that MIGHT have been the beginnings of her. Explains why she is like she is, at least.

I'll scan the pages in some other time; right now I need to run!!