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[prismaticbleed]

In response to this relevant post...

DID has made our life a living nightmare; honestly we cannot imagine why anyone would WANT to fake something like this.

This vent is very true, and honest. The PTSD, amnesia, chronic suicidal thoughts, and raging inner wars alone are crippling to our ability to function normally, to say the least. Just the frequency of our switches, due to a mountain of triggers and over 40 alters, is hell.
We cannot hold a job, we cannot get through school, and social situations are virtually impossible to manage safely. We struggle to even provide for the body's daily needs at this point.

Whoever thinks DID is appealing/quirky because "you have other people living in your head? that must be so fun!" has no idea what they're talking about.

Yes, we consider our System to be a family. Yes, we care about each other. But that doesn't mean we don't have dangerous/ suicidal/ murderous alters, or days where we ALL wish we were dead, just so we don't have to do this anymore.
We work our asses off 24/7 to try and keep our inner environment stable, coherent, and safe, because if we don't, it's frankly a terrifying place to be, and we can't leave.
The complexity of our System isn't some sort of game-- it's the painstaking result of our desperate attempts to get a grip on this mess just so we can survive another 24 hours.

TL;DR: DID is neither trendy nor enjoyable, and if you're faking it because you think it is, you should read this and seriously reconsider your actions. No hard feelings here; just educate yourself, please.
Thank you for this post.


-the Lightraye System

 

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@ 06:34 pm

 

Okay. Think positive. Think of beautiful things, focus on that instead of the old pain. I keep forgetting about this "you get back what you give out" stuff when it's been proven repeatedly in our life before. Whatever channel your soul is "tuned into" is the kind of music, or noise, you're going to pick up in your life.
It's difficult some days, balancing the whole "think positive" attitude with "but we do need to stay realistic and acknowledge our difficulties." The two CAN coexist, but we haven't exactly mastered that yet. More often than not, the first one gets overloaded, and Christina comes out, or the second one gets exaggerated, and the Undergrounders take over. So it's a delicate balance. We'll do everything we can, though; we always do.

In other news, I got two of my friends to play OFF and now hopefully YOU will play it too, haha. It's a psychological-horror indie game, short but brilliant, go give it a shot.
I forgot how much I loved that game. Speaking of games I love, I haven't played Nier in months... I still have two endings to unlock. I really should put time aside to get them sometime, now that I have an hour or two of XBox access in the evenings.

I also want to FINALLY start a webcomic of some sort. I don't know for what though. I tend to obsess over coherency in my series, and so many of them are just huge glorious idea jumbles, years and years of sheer data and creativity, but how in the world do I put that into a comic or book-like state? My brain doesn't easily work that way; it has trouble putting things into a linear format.
All I can do is try, though. I'll look at all of them, see which ones are possible candidates, and try structuring them as they are now. I learn better hands-on, maybe just diving in without a care is what I need to do right now. "Overthinking will ruin you," Laurie keeps repeating, and she's right.

My brain doesn't want to think right now. It hurts to do that. I think I need to just dissociate and shut off for a while, to empty it out, and make everything silent, so nothing will overload or burn out later.