nevermore

[prismaticbleed]

 

 

 

(death dreams from "game over.")

I hope to god they weren't premonitions of any sort, and were instead "potential timelines" like the kind i used to see via my Links when I was younger.


(it is 5 in the morning and I NEED to go to sleep but first i need to write notes on this before i forget.)


(first was my boss. he and i were in this weird floating black space, above us was this red digital countdown timer, the same kind from the dream i met him in, except this time it was counting down the last few minutes of his life. obviously i was panicking. boss was oddly calm though, he knew this had to happen. it was scary though because he was lying in all this blood, i didn't know why, he didn't seem in terrible pain.)
(the most painful part of this was our dialogue. for some reason the idea of him dying was unbearable. i was sobbing and begging him not to go, even though i knew i had to. boss got just as emotional after a little while; although he wasn't expressing it as dramatically as i was, it came through clearly in his words.)
(i clearly remember him thanking me for the time we spent together as death was standing right behind him; he was genuinely crying, it broke my heart)
(the WORST part was that he GAVE ME HIS NIGHTCAP. that was the nail in the coffin, it meant that now I was Mr. Sandman; he had to move on. i think he put it on me when i couldn't manage, the look he gave me then was this mix of pride and gratitude and love and this awful sorrow coloring it all, with having to say goodbye forever right when we had finally reached this goal. i was a total wreck at this point.)
(instead of "dying" he walked away with death towards the blackness in the distance; he couldn't look back, but he did pause and meaningfully lift a hand in final farewell before he disappeared)
(apparently in order for an apprentice to take over for a master in that world, the master has to DIE. this is something mr. sandman never told me but i suspected it for a long time. he apologized today when i mentioned this dream again-- his learning of that truth (when he was an apprentice himself) was difficult enough, and he didn't know how to break it to me. guess i just saved him the pain, which is good.)
(speaking of, he said that death was new to masterhood when he came to retrieve mr. sandman's master; death apprentices have it the worst because they have to be the one leading their master out of this world! no one else can do the job.)

(even worse, in a way, was the second 'dream.' this time it was laurie.)
(for about 70% of this one i was in shock. it started off in the middle of the tar room, it was warped and tilted somehow, tar was splattered in huge spikes and strands everywhere but it seemed dead. there was a lot of blood too. laurie had been impaled but i couldn't heal her for some reason, she was bleeding like mad, it was all over my hands.)
(god i'm sorry i really can't write this down very well. i remember she was having trouble talking, kept smiling though, sadly. she knew what was happening, but the reality of the situation didn't hit me until she started choking up blood, then i absolutely shattered. i could not stop sobbing, the emotional pain was unbearable. i was begging her not to leave me, she just smiled up at me apologetically, still bleeding, not saying anything.)
(she said that it was okay if she died now; i had made even the worst moments of her life worth suffering through. she ALWAYS says stuff like that when she thinks she's going to die irl; it absolutely kills me, but god i love her for it.)
(my brain is actually trying to delete this one like it does to trauma because of how difficult it was to "experience")

(when i woke up i went running for them both, took a few seconds to really realize that they were alive, that this was real, not what i had just seen.)