prismaticbleed | quadruple take (Reply)

(wip-- publishing so i don't forget to complete it!!)

This morning started off strangely.
I've been fighting off weird demons of rage and hatred for a while now-- with Holy Saturday ironically being the worst day in months, probably in revenge for last year-- and although yesterday went pretty well, this morning they had already begun to creep back into my mind with a vengeance. I was aware enough of this occurring to try and "remove" them, but asleep enough to not know how other than redirecting the tension and stress into my jaw, hoping to "bite it out." However, this time the shadows were heavy, and they sank into my teeth instead. The tension in my head went away, sure, but now it was replaced by a horribly lingering sensation of rot throughout my entire mouth. Unable to remove it at the time, and not wanting it to cause actual physical damage, I knew I needed to ask an expert. So, in a burst of worried desperation, I actually sought out Toothiana (she was at the Pole) to ask her if she could get the Tar out of my teeth. My self-image was tremendously vague at the moment, so I was dimly aware that I had very pointed teeth and that I was floating, but that was all.
(she took the tar out, it floated in the air in little dots, sandy showed up and transmuted it. i said hello to him. toothiana then used a snowglobe to take us to where the fairies keep the teeth, i said she probably didn't have mine, said i didn't know if i even had a name. she seemed concerned and tried to look anyway. at some point my boss showed up to take me home; he and sandy both greeted each other warmly which was awesome. i think he spoke to toothiana a little, thanked her for her help, baby tooth said goodbye to me too.)

(crazy dream wtf) (also it was DEFINITELY headspacey, not subconscious, because i could feel every single thing right up until i 'slipped' into full consciousness; it was highly disorienting because i was still aware of events, but was no longer "there" in a pseudo-physical sense)
(ALSO GENESIS WHAT IS EVEN WITH YOU)

(RYOU.)
(went soulform for a bit, looked beautiful, his eyes are dark blue in that form now? it shocked me how honest he was being, especially after not having really been with him in so long; he insisted he never forgot all the times we spent together, and after all we both did promise to stick with each other forever, in one way or another.)
(figured out that first metainomen "super form" attempt was 'unstable?' remember i didn't actually die all the way)
(stabbed me, rebirth-tomb had no color or symbol or anything, totally blank. went to bizarre floatspace room again, some other presence there, couldn't see it. i kept refusing to be assigned the virtue of "heart" like the jewels of our past, the presence said that was my biggest challenge and so it was ironically the best virtue for me to move into as a metanoia.) (so yeah i think i'm actually the acolyte of heart or something)
(ryou explained how we all 'wear the masks' of our opposite aspects, because our true aspects are parts of ourselves that we secretly accept but are ashamed to show for some reason; he loved the occult but was frightened by how deep he could go, marik loved being idealistic but kept up a show of power and control, i loved emotional honesty and connections but acted logically and somewhat cold.)

I've been listening to the Nils Frahm & Anne Müller channel on Last.fm for about two days straight, and am I ever glad I did. This is the sort of music that resonates with me more clearly than any other genre does, somehow. Sure, FROST* has the lyrical relevance down, and the NiER OST is my life put to music, but this stuff... it's what my soul would sound like, I think. Just... listen to this. The electronic blips and glitches interlacing perfectly with sincere strings and acoustic resonance... it's me, on some level. I thought I had hit the jackpot when I discovered erast/Nikakoi, but jeepers, this is a goldmine and a half!

Also, thanks to Reader's Digest, I have discovered that there is a place called the Lotus Temple in New Delhi, India, that is BASICALLY THE INSIDE OF MY HEAD.
LOOK AT IT.