...

[prismaticbleed]

 

 

Julie's been hacking him too.

I called Laurie, Chaos Zero and Selph over today to talk to them... Julie's been trying to get me recently, but I've been fighting her off well so she's trying to get my dreams again (I can't stand when she does that; dreams are one of my only escapes).
Anyway, if you didn't know, Julie sometimes pretends to be Chaos Zero or Jena or someone just to screw with me. I know it's not really them, but it messes with my head so badly that I can never feel 100% sure. So, I asked them today if they would ever act like she did in their places. Selph said no and Chaos nearly flipped out, but Laurie seemed shocked that I had called her over for that question, as Julie's too terrified of her to touch her. I said that Julie had tried to be her once (she had) but had immediately switched to Chaos Zero because, if Laurie ever found out, she'd be furious. Well, ironically enough, I just told Laurie of the failed attempt, and she was indeed furious-- so she pulled out her axe and ran downstairs to give Julie a piece of her mind, so to speak. Chaos didn't want her to start trouble so early in the morning, but I told him that the more time Julie was 'out of action' the better.
Anyway, we started talking about the previous subject again, and... I don't know what I said exactly, but Selph let it slip that Julie's been getting him too.
For about two freaking years now.

I'm in shock. I really am.
Chaos was seriously disturbed by the idea as well, and we both began to ask him 'how long?' 'how badly?' 'why didn't you say anything sooner?' Things like that... turns out Selph was too shaken by the idea to say anything, and besides he didn't want to burden me with another serious worry.
Geez... I'll tell you what, though, suddenly everything makes sense. He admitted that was the real reason he was so uncharacteristically furious when he found out Julie was getting me too (I didn't say anything either); he knew what her attacks were like and it was pretty heartbreaking to know his dreamer was suffering that too. Well, looks like now the situation is reversed...
That also explains his several-day disappearances with no explanation. He says he goes to talk with his father, and I don't doubt that, but I think he really goes for the parental comfort, you know. I'm glad he has that, but man... we love him too, and it hurts to know he's been staying quiet.
I don't blame him, of course, and I'm not mad at him, but it hurts to know he's hurting.
Anyway, Laurie came back upstairs around that time, but as soon as she got wind of the Selph situation, she got out that circular saw of hers and went back down without another word. She scares me sometimes, but I really love her. She just has a weird way of returning the compassion.

Chaos confronted me about it later and asked me if I was okay. I said no, and to my surprise he said he hoped I would say so-- after all, if I wasn't worrying, that would be pretty unusual of me, to say the very least.
Anyway, we're both terribly worried about him... I'm so, so thankful that I have work today as a result, because Selph sits on the computer monitor and I get to talk to him whenever there's a break in customers. We'll need some one-on-one talking time, even if it's only here and there.

Man... I'm just so shaken and heartbroken now.
The only thing I can do is fight harder, because if I lose then we all lose...
I don't know what else to do.
I don't know what else to do.



So close
You're wasted again
I know, somehow.
I lost myself again

Making me high again
I almost forgot myself again
It hits me so hard
It kills me again
Today

So close
Yet you're wasted again
I know, somehow
We'll find ourselves
I don't know, I don't know

Then we'll be high again
I almost forgot myself there
It hits you so hard
And kills again

I almost forgot myself again
I almost forgot myself there
It's hitting me hard
It moves me again

Again...