roller coaster

[prismaticbleed]

 

I don't know.
Something is apparently dreadfully wrong with my personality.

Everyone gets fed up with me so quickly. I wish I knew what I was saying, what I was doing wrong, so I could fix it.


My mother was complaining to me today that all I ever do is talk about how frustrated I am with my weight... I've been really packing on the pounds lately and it's driving me mad.

Oh no no no, it's not because I'm trying to attract people... it's not because I want to 'look pretty'...

It's because most women have this body shape and I loathe it.
I'll never be able to pass as anything else if I don't lose these freaking curves and fast.

Plus, I can't exactly tell my mother how Laurie and Julie taunt me about my size, either.
Julie and her manipulation... accusations.
Laurie telling me the painful truth, over and over until I can't stand myself because I keep ignoring it.


I can't tell my mother about most of my problems ... can't tell anyone, honestly... because if I did, they'd lock me up in a mental hospital like they did to my brother because he was suicidal.
Except, for me, I'd be locked up for an entirely different and much more dangerous reason.


Despite what everyone thinks, I don't hate anyone...

...but I'm afraid I'm beginning to hate myself.