What's this?

[prismaticbleed]

 

Could it be... an early update?

*audience gasps in shock*

Yes! It's only 8:34 PM and Jewel is already posting an entry! What is this world coming to?

...

Sorry about that. Just having a little fun.
Oh, but you know what else is fun?
Taking random songs and tweaking the pitch. Honest, it's like an addiction with me!
I like cranking them up to 150% so they sound like chipmunks, and then I like winding them down to 80% or lower so they sound like Delphi singing, haha. Funny stuff.
Delphi does have a good singing voice in reality, though. Deep voice, you know. It works.
*whispers* Don't tell anyone!

Hm.


You know what I like? You know what I like?
This journal is still 100% secret! Isn't that awesome?
I love it. My beautiful blue words, my hidden sanctuary deep within a neverending blur of information.
Here I can speak my mind, here I can give a voice to my heart.


Back on topic...

I don't like physical contact, remember?
Yes, I've said that many times already.
But Jacob still seems upset over it.
I'm truly sorry, but I can't change that.

And then I have Laurie calling me a fucking hypocrite.

Shoving memories in my face.
"What about this, then??"

Evidence to the contrary, perhaps?
No.

It's all non-romantic.

What I might be dealing with now...
That's the exact opposite.
That is what I don't like.

I'm just exhausted with this whole thing.



You know what? Here's a rant.

This Italian homework sucks. I can't figure out a single thing, and he never explains it well enough in class. That and I always sleep through a good deal of the lesson because I was up until 3AM that morning trying to learn it on my own! Cruelly ironic, isn't it?

I have no choice but to go into an art career. I'm not very good at anything else, and quite frankly, I can't see myself doing anything else, darn it. But I have no other choice. I just wish people would stop laughing at me, scoffing at me... "oh, how nice, you're going to draw pictures for a living?" No... I'm going to put my life on paper and I'm going to inspire the entire freaking world. Still laughing? I'll show you all. I refuse to let anything stop me. I'll keep fighting despite all odds, even if it kills me. Because living without my purpose is not a life at all.

Rorschach was in my dreams again last night, without his mask. I don't know why he had it off, but he did. Oh yeah... and he kept me up until 4AM anyway, and I ended up finding some fanart of him eating sugar cubes, so even though Laurie didn't pay him, he still kept to the plan. Thank you my crazy redhead lunatic! You know, next time I find you in a dream I'm going to get my "Repent" sign and we can wander through Manhattan with our sandwichboards of doom until you find a villain and beat the fish out of him. Fun times!

I just took about 30 blogthings totally at random, with Chaos Zero and Selph telling me to give up and finish my Italian... dear Lord it feels like a Friday, what the heck is wrong with me? Oh well. Got some very accurate results, which always makes me feel a little better about my 'being true' to myself. Never compromise, darn it all!

I don't want this visit to be romantic or sappy or traditional or physical or anything that would hint towards typical 'crushes' rather than the love hope we have, la de da de da. Serious talk is fine. I'm a very serious girl. I tend to think with my head, mind you, although my heart is a freaking bomb. I'd take a dead-serious conversation about some very somber subjects over flowers and a movie any day. And I swear, if dancing comes up again, I think I'm going to explode. I'm so nervous. Do we even know each other at all? I don't think you know me at all, for one... but that's because I tend to keep it that way. I'm not comfortable in these relationship things, and I like to keep a good majority of myself secret. Unfortunately you don't and it's not working out well. I need to stop being so frigid or something awful is going to happen.

I'm ludicrously tired again. I'm going to run off and wash my hair and all that stuff and then I'll be back here for 11PM and I'll finish my Italian, yes sir. And then I'll go to sleep because I need it desperately. Speaking of hair, if I like Rorschach's hairstyle on myself then I'm going to keep the darn thing, huzzah. The less I can look like either gender the better. I just hope I'm not ostracized for it... my mom's already edgy about my always wanting to wear suits and she refuses to accept the fact that I'm a type-D asexual neutrois. I'm afraid she thinks I'm a lesbian, just like everyone else. Geeez. I have a lot of explaining to do.


All right, enough ranting for now... I'm very tired and haven't exercised in weeks, honest. It's driving me mad.
Oh well. Off I go.


...Geez, 10:50.
Looks like I lived up to my reputation after all, huh?