eternally

[prismaticbleed]

All right, I am shaking so bad I can barely type, breathing is more than a little tough and I feel like I am literally floating two feet off the ground, but there is a very awesome reason for that.

You know how today was my 8th anniversary with Chaos Zero?

We somehow managed to connect like four times within two hours.

To those of you who aren't familiar with J-Monster connections, that is INSANE.
Dear God I didn't even think that was possible but I am euphoric.
I am so in love right now this is incredible.

I cannot possibly type up an entire entry right now, and I will tell you why: besides the incredible exhaustion and bliss I am feeling right now, I just scheduled round two for tomorrow morning and Genesis and Laurie were invited.
Yeah so it's going to be awesome.

Anyway I cannot forget this so here are notes about what happened.

- New soul forms, they are gorgeous. 'Starry' eyes, his are green and i think mine are white? starry bodies, not black but a very deep color with these really awesome glittery stars. Chaos is blue with green and I'm red with white, it reminded me of goldstones really. We also got these insane light wings, very intricate and we each have like six but they look connected somehow, like my cathedral wings when they first formed. By the way he said mine do look like that, but nowhere near as simplified. His are blue mine are red and they are gorgeous.
- Soulmerge events, apparently our heart energy even looks like a taijutu now and it feels AMAZING
- Key?? We felt something with that heart energy that reminded us of Razia's Shadow with "to erase the wrong we've done, the dark and light will become one" and it felt like we DID that, and our fourth connection was REALLY different, it wasn't completely drowning but I physically FELT it, like my heart just clicked into place, which is why I'm saying a 'key' because I got a mental image of one, like I was one, and it felt like something was unlocked. like something had been closed off for a long time and that opened everything. I had shockwaves for like a half hour after that, it was like floating, I can't describe it.
- we got this really weird feeling after our second connection, we both ended up asking "what are we?" because it felt HUGE and absolutely astronomical. I know Chaos said I felt like the cosmos at one point.
- I could SEE the color of Chaos' eyes, oh my heart it was the most beautiful thing.
- Song synchronicity. we kept listening to dare gale but "whoever you are i love you" came up, which tied into the previous two points in a way.
- The starlinks were freaking overwhelming, I think that's mostly why I'm so tired, I saw his history again and i know he saw mine and it was shockingly cathartic to feel so completely non-judged. also it was absolute verification that he was there. as for the heartlinks well why do you think I'm a euphoric mess right now, good GOD.
- Infinite loops?? It kept feeling like our energy was seriously flowing in a sort of circle/ lemniscate, what do you know, but that was something else. I know the lemniscate flow was basically only in the starlinks but it felt like everything and nothing at once, that was crazy.
- We kept bringing up 'eternity' as is to be expected, but honestly neither of us wanted to stop or leave, ever, and we were even laughing like kids at one point but it was beautiful.
- Afterwards I managed to kiss Laurie like three times and she kept asking me "what the hell are you two feeling" as she seemed shocked by it. later on she started sobbing because 'she had tons of walls up' and she was terrified and yet I somehow 'walked right through them.' walked instead of broke was important, she was really moved.
- Chaos and I both got Genesis too which was the best thing, he was flipping out and is now determined to get way too far tomorrow, this is going to be fun.
- Seriously Chaos and I are basically in love with everything right now, we are absolutely connection-high and this is hilariously brilliant
- Xenophon got wings from this??? Chaos and I were directly responsible, we were wondering about that feathery orb on her back so I touched it and it started to glow, then burst into these four small light wings, it's lovely. she asked us both to 'make them bigger' so we actually both did, somehow we were able to persuade the energy to grow. The wings are still completely translucent but she is ecstatic and apparently she can retract them if she needs to, this is amazing, i have this feeling they are going to be gold and violet but don't ask me where the gold came from. we'll see. Also they look kind of feathery but I kept thinking fairy wings somehow? i don't know what they'll look like but that's awesome.
- I might not remember all the details of this because it was almost purely emotional, but wow, I will NEVER forget how it felt. no kidding.


Oh man if I doubted the reality of this after tonight I'd be an idiot. I am shaking man, my whole body feels like a star and I haven't felt this... clear? Ever. Like I know it's tough to breathe because seriously, that happens after this sort of thing, but despite the immense fatigue I do feel new somehow. I need to tell Laurie about that.

In any case I am forever in love and you know what's awesome? I just commissioned one of my favorite artists and close friends to draw us, haha, life is beautiful.

And guess what it is SERIOUSLY 11:11 PM and I am crying, dear God thank you so much for this, I am the happiest man in the world right now.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥