prismaticbleed | post snippets: june 2010 (Reply)

02 June 2010 @ 09:36 pm

why why why why WHY
does the rest of the world have to think like that?

subjective. ludicrous. blind and numb to all but their own hedonism.

I’m very tired of it. I’m quite exhausted at this point.

I’ve been thinking about the unicorns. I haven’t been speaking to them lately; maybe that’s the problem. Maybe they know something.
I’ll have to talk to Unisalia tonight. She knows me. She knows.

03 June 2010 @ 11:45 pm

I'm such a lonely little screwup. Such a sad little anomaly.

I never truly had a best friend, not until I was almost 18 years old... and even then, he was unconsciously using me; I knew he saw me as someone else.

I hated myself as a young adult. Maybe we all do.

But not being able to recognize the face in the mirror, being unable to identify with anything I did, growing up without any future or any present to boot... it was hellish.

I apologize. I hurt terribly inside and don't know what to say.

04 June 2010 @ 06:45 pm

I've been sitting here, popping bubble wrap, listening to minimalist music, and attempting to draw J-Monsters for about 3 hours now.
Still not feeling all too well, ironically.

06 June 2010 @ 04:39 pm

Bad chest pain again... feeling shaky. Happens all the time.
I keep trying to distract myself from life with little things that don't amount to anything. It frustrates me.
What I'd give just to bury myself in purpose. What I'd give.

07 June 2010 @ 11:08 pm

Thinking again... am I really as terrible a person as I think I am?
It's painfully confusing. I get positive reactions from virtually everyone I meet, and I still have this abysmal view of myself.
I've already admitted everything. I'm doing all I can to make up for my wrongdoings. I try so hard, every day, not to commit anymore.
So why do I still feel so lost?

09 June 2010 @ 11:01 am

So there's this cut-out of Iron Man in my store, right in the ice cream section. Every time I walk by I high-five him.

11 June 2010 @ 02:16 pm

I had a meltdown this morning. My father called me off work for today.
I'm still very shaken up and horribly nervous... but I'm focusing on packing and getting things ready for Monday. Nothing else matters at the moment.

12 June 2010 @ 08:21 pm

My home isn't home. My job involves pretending that I don't want to scream at every customer that I meet for their hedonism and mundane lives. I can't fall asleep at night and I can't wake up in the morning. I keep failing my classes, I can't cope with society, I'm already 2 decades old and I don't have much time left.
I'm told to suck it up and face life.

Life shouldn't be like this.

I feel like such a stupid child.