---------

[prismaticbleed]

FCK YOU. FCK YOU AND YOUR HEDONISTIC SHIT. THERE'S NO MOTIVE FOR ANY OF THIS.
YOU WANT TO BE SICK? GOOD; GUESS WHO'S THROWING UP EVERY THREE MINUTES? YOU'RE FCKING UP MY LIFE AND I AM SICK AND TIRED OF IT.
GET YOUR SELF-PITYING ASS OUT OF THAT HOUSE AND GET YOUR FCKING MESS OF A LIFE BACK IN ORDER. I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT. I'M SICK OF IT.

I am running on pure self-hatred, panic, desperation and utter SICKNESS right now.
It's scaring the hell out of me but, hey, it's my OWN DAMN FAULT.


DEAJSTYKUFJSCMNBAAFHS,KJFCMN,ADJNSXENMCJXJNCVMVX >Z?MX B,C>??


"Oh you're such a lovely person!" LOOK AT ME NOW.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?????
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME?????
I CAN'T BE STUCK LIKE THIS;;;; NO
NO
CAN'T

fcking therapists don't do a damn thing they don't do a DAMN THING
I DON'T GIVE A FCK ABOUT THOSE PILLS
SEE WHAT THEY DID TO ME??? DO YOU SEE WHAT THEY DID
I CAN'T EVEN FCKING WALK.
I CAN'T SPEAK, I CAN'T SEE, I CAN'T TELL WHERE THE FCK I AM
AND YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP.
WELL SHIT, CONGRATULATIONS, I'M NO LONGER DEPRESSED, I'M FCKING SCREWED.


There's not even a word for this.
Suicide + mania + rage + panic + toxicity + PANIC + RAGE + SELF-LOATHING.
Just double up on every damn thing right about now.

NO, I'M NOT GOING TO FCKING SLEEP
YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME
SCREW YOU. SCREW YOU, YOU JUST WANT AN ESCAPE.
WELL TOUGH SHIT. YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF, NOW YOU SUFFER.

where is my sense of time?
i have no depth perception
fcking hedonism
fcking lack of self-control

wish I could just shoot back some fcking hallucinogens and get DAMN SICK
then I won't be looking to do this to myself EVERY FCKING DAY.


God help me.
GOD HELP ME.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FCK MY NAME IS.


now if you'll excuse me for a moment, I think I'm about to throw up again.