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[prismaticbleed]

Weight down to 116 finally
Need to get back into working out
Considering joining a gym again?

Scary woman action at church
But also "oh no she's gorgeous"
So much switchiness
Wreckage & Sugar, Razor & Knife, Jewel & Jay & Jess???
Realized shockingly that we feel MOST COMPLETE AS A WHOLE.
The reason why past "false cores" DIDN'T was because they INSISTED ON BEING "THE ONLY ONE." They rejected communal existence and so to them it felt "wrong"

STARTED T!!!
For the glory of God
CAN love being BOTH man & woman like this?? NO FEAR OR PREJUDICE, which DOES occur with binary mindset
Still remember erev & boker. No purposeful blurring of real boundaries, no intrusion into clear-cut spaces.
MUST CHOOSE TO BE HUMBLED, HUMILIATED & MARGINALIZED, IN ORDER TO LOVE & SERVE ALL from this "dawn space"

Breakfast campfire marshmallows, because we were remembering how Knife is pinged by smoke scents after that one night in Thornhurst
Lynne likes them burnt, Julie eating the jumbo ones straight from the bag
Scalpel just flung one into the fire then victory posed, it was great

"All or nothing" friendship problem
Esp with TBAS
"If I can't give you everything, I don't know how to be a friend, so I have to STOP COLD." Incapable of "halfway." Struggling with this as it dictates distanced isolation or total overexpenditure. Socials are the "grey area" but they're TOXIC & SHALLOW.
BUT We legit WANT TO BE A TOTALLY DEVOTED FRIEND TO EVERYONE. Yearn for it even. But fear being "too much?" Some people don't WANT you to get that close that fast, if ever. It aches.
Thinking about Jade too. Concerned at how much similarity we do have.
Write about today's Scripture reflection on how TO be a godly friend, ESP IN SYSTEM CONTEXT. Remember it all starts within. "The mirror must reflect Integrity & grace." We cannot befriend anyone outside if we've never experienced friendship to learn HOW. Nor can we fake singlet friendship!! OUR HEART IS ONLY IN IT IF WE'RE ALL IN IT.

Realizing I still want to love everyone in headspace more closely.
Like, I want to be as close to Lynne & Julie as I am to Laurie, etc. WITHOUT homogenizing relationships.
SPEND TIME IN HEARTSPACE WITH PEOPLE!!!!! And use music to bring their heart closely into yours!!
THIS APPLIES TO RELIGION TOO BTW.

GAL 3:28
"There is no distinction; you are all ONE IN CHRIST"
Could this also mean: we are paradoxes of harmony, in that through Christ we become BOTH "opposites"???
Jew AND Gentile, free AND slave, male AND female. Wasn't Christ ALL THOSE AT ONCE in His unique divine way??? He was a born Jew but He ALSO identified with ALL peoples? He was divinely free but ALSO "came in the form of a servant?" And of course the androgyny of God, "male AND female" BOTH being "His Image"???

KATABASIS???
Paste the whole day:
"At the very beginning of the creation story in Genesis, there was no light. It hadn’t been created yet. The waters were deep and utterly dark. Yet God was lingering there, ready, waiting in anticipation.
What do dark waters symbolize? Chaos. Sadness. Fear. Emptiness. Loss. Doubt. Loneliness. Despair. The Good Fridays of life.
There is a concept in ancient literature called katabasis. It means to make a descent to gain understanding. Because the ancients understood something that we have forgotten: the most profound truths aren’t necessarily found at the top of a mountain – they’re more often than not at the bottom of a pit.
You’ll know this from your own life. Think about the events that have shaped you. They won’t be stories of plain sailing; they’ll be stories of challenge, stories that have a little darkness in them. Good Friday stories.
Live long enough and you will know a time when there was no light. Maybe you are experiencing such a time now. What if God was lingering in that darkness; hovering above the waters; ready to make something new?"
Christ who was crucified; Christ who is there in the darkness, make your presence known to me. Give me peace while I wait for the moment you say, ‘Let there be light.’ 

I really love this Scripture study, everything this man writes is spot on.

BTW we MUST change our church/sleep/diet schedule. Going to 1130 then eating breakfast at 1400 means ~1830 dinner and 100 bedtime lately.
We need to get into an EARLY routine again. 730 Mass, bed for 2130!!