prayer journal 05

[prismaticbleed]

You only have to ask to receive God's Wisdom.
How can you gain wisdom? Where do you need insight?

Wisdom can ONLY be gained FROM GOD, because its source IS GOD. The fallen world, and the fallen nature of natural man, CANNOT BE WISE, no matter how hard they try to pick everything apart to "intelligently" label it. Fallen "wisdom" can kill the soul! To be TRULY wise, we MUST "become foolish in the eyes of the world," and rely ONLY on the Wisdom of God, revealed in Scripture & the Magisterium, and strengthened by sincere & frequent prayer. I need wisdom every moment, to make choices that honor God! I need Wisdom to discern what matters to HIM, what affects eternity; what is LOVING.

PRAYER REQUESTS...

+ To not resist/ fight/ despair/ dissociate/ etc. this process of weight recovery, ESPECIALLY in how it keeps emphasizing "natural femininity" & its characteristics. I'm legit terrified; I DON'T WANT IT, and didn't want it in my youth, either. The very thought of being "womanly" has me suicidal. And I don't know how to cope. I DO know that I probably WILL relapse into restrictive behaviors & maybe even hyperexercise, if upon my return home, the "reality" of the body changes are too traumatic & unbearable. But I STILL DON'T WANT TO OFFEND GOD. I'm just equally terrified that He "will force me to live like that," in a way that clashes catastrophically with EVERYTHING I can feel & say about my self. Is that the point? Does He WANT me to sacrifice "myself" and "learn how to be a woman instead"?? I have NO wisdom here at all. I must pray for it as I pray about this fear, and I must CAREFULLY LISTEN & DISCERN His Voice, then WRITE IT DOWN. I must ALSO turn to Scripture, where WISDOM SPEAKS, and write down what it says & teaches me, too. God, I trust You. Please help me.