031323

[prismaticbleed]

(phone entry to fix later)


Dream hack, minor but still horrible
Chaos 0 showed up instantly to pull me into his arms, saved me from the worst terrors
I remember saying "it hurts more than usual"

Shocked at how fluid mirror-voices (blepofoni?) are. better word actually is REACTIVE. the slightest change forces them to shift.
Mirror voices are also short lived as a result?? since their existences are anchored to REFLECTION CHANGES

Church
Naaman, psalm 42, homily on redemptive suffering & acceptance of handicaps– "healing comes in many forms" not just physical! In fact the physical suffering might even be a MEANS OF GREATER HEALING in another context!!!

Muscle twitches, weak
Still went to goodwill, as I had promised Xennie

Suddenly so in love with Laurie today

Oblates homily on radio
"Put love to work" + FANTASTIC examples of corporal mercy

Aldi stop
Pretty woman, but bad perfume
Dyspnea trigger

Home for 1pm?

Breakfast gang
Leon & eggs bravery, color muddling blue vs indigo
Lynne being USED by 'fearless' lotophagoi
Julie "i know how they think, I used to be just like them"
EVOO trigger
Xenophon "happy sinkday"

Mimic cutting the water bottles
Barry complaining haha
Realized WAIT A SECOND HE ISN'T RE-ANCHORED TO THE LEAGUE YET EITHER!!!

Bible verse 1 Corinthians 13 "Love does not delight in misfortune"
Meditate on this, learned OPPOSITE from family

Mimic pushing etymology on "overused" words again, "praise" today
Surprised at the either/or good/bad definition
Mimic liked the "prize" double definition from it: "if you're not striving, it's just flattery"??? Like you need to work at the words you speak, really fight for truth? Otherwise it's empty words. True worth of praise is based on Truthfulness striven to grasp??? Really work to KNOW and COMMEND the GOOD truth of real praise, etc.
Also reflect on how Creation INHERENTLY & ALWAYS praises God!!

Jesus & gender?? Bridegroom & Bride, Christ & Church = "two become one flesh" = female & male UNION TRULY IN HIM!!!

League idea: "give all your troubles to God" BECAUSE He can TRANSFORM THEM for Good?? Gives you HIS PEACE in exchange for your stress "yes I want it, I can make something beautiful out of this" SPIRITUAL UPCYCLING

Minor purge
Ate too late, plus "extra" broccoli and overfill again?? Losing appetite lately. May have to notably decrease portions.

Quick shop run to get powerade & benadryl
Singing Phlegmoni's song in car, WE CAN FINALLY HIT THOSE LOW NOTES!!!! ;_____;
Still no memory of who was our "core" then. Hellterror lotophagoi days though
Also the sleep study??? Weirdly specific memory. Feels like a checkpoint?

SJE Book club
NO MEMORY OF SPEAKING.
Upset by this, but expected. Felt like watching from inside own head, at a distance
Do remember vague bits. Reference to Laurie as "a friend I'm not afraid to argue with" basically: True friendship defined by that total openness and honesty of emotions. Lots of supervague references to trauma, especially CNC. But no verbal memory at all, just borderline awareness. So bizarre. Completely Drained afterwards.

Very sick today. Could barely stomach dinner.
Talking to Scalpel & Julie over prep
About what? Can't recall atm. But really nice to be with them both.
Remember at the end, for some reason Julie emphatically told me "Laurie loves you" like it was a solemn oath

In two years Xenophon is going to be a TEENAGER WTF
I told her this and she replied "and you're gonna be an old man!!"
"Well what if I want to be an old man"
Honestly I was so happy spending time with her, even just daily domestic stuff. She's such a joy.
We discussed that a bit actually, it was really sweet

Rosary troubles
Still weird conflict over it? We like "our method" of saying them (with music & art) but the word "rosary" makes us think of forced empty babbling? Fear and frustration and exhaustion. Definitely spiritual warfare.

stayed up rather late, forget why though.