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[prismaticbleed]

So I got back into at least organizing my old notes on Dream World today... and I've realized what my problem is!
All the old stuff is so cluttered and disorganized, that even looking at it gives me a headache. I seriously thing I need to start over from scratch, adding in what I need to from the old files, not trying to write between the lines and feeling overwhelmed by how much needs to be edited and taken out and fixed and so on.
This is good, though, because for some reason, no matter how badly I want to work on the 2000+ timeline, I feel very strongly drawn to Justice and Revenge's story in the 70s. There is nothing written on that yet, so it will at least save me that one trouble.
Those two are... heartbreaking to write for, but I love them. I just wish I could see the beginning of their story more clearly.
However, tomorrow I promised Laurie the last Xanga session of the year, and I want everyone in there if possible, so that's going to be insane but awesome. So I can't type on my series tomorrow but I'll be typing anyway, mark my words!

Did I mention that Xenophon loves clementines? I gave her one today and she flipped out, it was hilariously adorable.
We're trying to figure out her schedule for the new semester, and I think Chaos is going to spend time with her while I'm at classes in the mornings, and I'll see her when I get home for the afternoon. That way she won't have to worry about ghosting and avoiding class traffic! Genesis is used to that already but geez, Xennie is a lot smaller than he is and people walking through your energy is not a good feeling at all, seriously.
I also need to teach her to sing again. Every time I listen to the Nier soundtrack I remember how much we love music and how much it means to us both... I still want to give her everything I can.

...By the way. I forget all of my dream last night except for two details. One, at the very end I was Nier, except I was trying to 'play the game' in our backyard and I kept trying to find items in the bushes around the house, which is funny. Second... prior to that, I was in a large arena, where some sort of live-action Sonic game was being 'filmed.' Members of the audience were randomly called on to play different parts... and when the big boss battle came up, I was the first person called to the floor.
I ended up face-to-face with Robotnik, with the other chosen people standing a way behind me, watching quietly.
Then Robotnik grinned darkly, and said, "he doesn't love you."
I replied, "really? Then tell me why he isn't here with the other bosses?"
Robotnik made a face and looked away as I continued, saying, "he doesn't want to fight me and you know why. You can't control him anymore."
Robotnik then told me to be silent, but I refused.
Just thought that was worth mentioning.
People keep talking about Chaos in my dreams, but I haven't actually seen him yet. I'm not sure why.

I saw his eyes again last night, when I was talking to him. Just that brilliant green in the dark.
I have no words for that.

...Remember that commission I bought? My friend just sent me the sketch and oh man I'm dying. It's adorable, this is killing me.
Here's the link before I get too emotionally fragile again and decide not to post it!
I should mention, though... she gave me a few ideas for poses (I didn't have anything specific in mind when I commissioned her) the other day, and I decided that sort of pose would be the best one. However I was discussing it with Chaos as well, and originally he wanted our positions to be reversed there, as he felt I could use a reminder that he was protecting me as much as he could, but then I pointed out July 7th and he immediately changed his mind, haha.
Really, that's... that's close, to when we were in the ruby forest. Far less painful, but that's a good thing.
So that means a lot, but man, anything like that just... gets me. I feel so much from it.
I am really fragile, especially with situations like that, and Chaos is the only person I let get that close (well, besides Xennie, but she's my daughter so that's different).
...Last night he looked at me, when I was like that, and said, "I think I understand."
I won't give you any more context, but... that felt like divine forgiveness, no kidding. It meant the world to me.

I can't stop thinking about that, lately. Just the closeness of the past 8 years.
I think I overlook that, sometimes, ironically. Yeah, we have some hilarious memories and some frightening memories and far too many sad ones, but I take for granted just how we've been together through it all.
I was doing spiritual reading yesterday and kept coming across passages that spoke about how beginnings and endings, life and death, were inherently linked.
Then I remembered that he was the god of Destruction, and the Sage once called me Gaia... a strange one, a god of Creation. I remembered that my card was Death, and his title was Life. And I remembered July 7th again, as clear as light.
Life and death, beginnings and endings, isn't that right? Creation and destruction, inseparable.
And Xenophon. God, she is just... I can't even comprehend her.
I really have something amazing. It's seriously humbling and yet it inspires me more than anything.


There is a lot to talk about tomorrow, I just realized. Sorry. I should really get some sleep in preparation for all that, because it's going to be one heck of a session and next year is going to be equally intense, I can feel it.