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prismaticbleedThursday.
First order of business: bank, returns, & ADL shopping
Doc appointment at 10
Mom met us there & THANK GOD FOR HER
Suggested several bloodwork checks we never even heard of, doctor agreed
Want to find out WHY we're so sick all the time now, why has no one been running tests?
All day everyone in crisis prep mode over Jade
7pm I get a phone call
It's 302 time
Barely any memory of it. Listening to "Bad Snacks" in car trying to stay level. Just made the music triggering now.
Me, Mom, & Astra discussing what to put on the report. Everyone so shaken-up & scared, fearing for safety, worried about future. No one knows what to do with Jade already; we want to help her & see her improve in health, but she is just... off the rails at this point.
Went to hospital, filled out form, can't remember after that
Hiding on porch while local cops went in with the warrant
Couldn't hear a thing, except vague tone of voice, Jade being all sweet and cooperative with cops. Upsetting to hear because probably within 12 hours she is going to be trying to bite their faces off.
seeing the dreadful yellow glow of lightbulbs through the porch curtains. people milling about. childhood terror feelings being triggered by the color and the murmur of adults, and the reality of our hiding.
sad. porch so so surreal. could not remember being out here in "old life," despite how MUCH time we spent there over the years.
pepper wandered out there with us. we laughed, asked if he remembered being a tiny kitten out here on the porch with us, at night, listening to jazz on the radio and hanging up laundry for literally hours. weirdly very fond "memories" although it's a blur. that whole era of our life was very precious and strange, yet inaccessible to us. wonder who lived it.
looking outside, seeing a lack of silhouettes, where mom cut down all the trees that marked our childhood. felt like we had been eviscerated. realized it will never feel like home to us again, too much has changed, and the "home" feeling is anchored to our headspace kids. feeling like part of us was buried in that moment.
tried to remember sitting out here with grandma, watching tv, when she was getting weaker with cancer. could not access any memories at the time. numb. nothing felt real.
cannot remember leaving house and driving home.
don't remember rest of evening
First order of business: bank, returns, & ADL shopping
Doc appointment at 10
Mom met us there & THANK GOD FOR HER
Suggested several bloodwork checks we never even heard of, doctor agreed
Want to find out WHY we're so sick all the time now, why has no one been running tests?
All day everyone in crisis prep mode over Jade
7pm I get a phone call
It's 302 time
Barely any memory of it. Listening to "Bad Snacks" in car trying to stay level. Just made the music triggering now.
Me, Mom, & Astra discussing what to put on the report. Everyone so shaken-up & scared, fearing for safety, worried about future. No one knows what to do with Jade already; we want to help her & see her improve in health, but she is just... off the rails at this point.
Went to hospital, filled out form, can't remember after that
Hiding on porch while local cops went in with the warrant
Couldn't hear a thing, except vague tone of voice, Jade being all sweet and cooperative with cops. Upsetting to hear because probably within 12 hours she is going to be trying to bite their faces off.
seeing the dreadful yellow glow of lightbulbs through the porch curtains. people milling about. childhood terror feelings being triggered by the color and the murmur of adults, and the reality of our hiding.
sad. porch so so surreal. could not remember being out here in "old life," despite how MUCH time we spent there over the years.
pepper wandered out there with us. we laughed, asked if he remembered being a tiny kitten out here on the porch with us, at night, listening to jazz on the radio and hanging up laundry for literally hours. weirdly very fond "memories" although it's a blur. that whole era of our life was very precious and strange, yet inaccessible to us. wonder who lived it.
looking outside, seeing a lack of silhouettes, where mom cut down all the trees that marked our childhood. felt like we had been eviscerated. realized it will never feel like home to us again, too much has changed, and the "home" feeling is anchored to our headspace kids. feeling like part of us was buried in that moment.
tried to remember sitting out here with grandma, watching tv, when she was getting weaker with cancer. could not access any memories at the time. numb. nothing felt real.
cannot remember leaving house and driving home.
don't remember rest of evening
