prismaticbleed | haven day 01 (Reply)

~HAVEN TREATMENT NOTES!~ (041419)

-Drink water! Set a timer on your phone!
- Stick to your medical diet plan BUT don't be obsessive. Keep the UPMC vibe of liberated, grateful joy.
- Stay Biblically busy! Use your recovered time well.
- Journal daily, even if only for an hour. Set a scheduled time.
- Exercise daily, but wisely. Don't overwork your healing body.
- Get back into music. Buy one new piano book & learn it!
- Language study daily-- quality, not quantity. Focus on the Polish books at first.
- Put in a good word for Herb!
- Start working on the League again-- but REBOOT it to its roots. That's where its beauty lies. Work with mom on it, too!
- Plan for a marathon/ fun run.
- Learn to sew. Make things for charity, too!
- Medidate on virtues. Grow in Christ, and fix the DW!
- Art? Don't bury the gift. Explore the calling! (Icons?)
- Be more of a mental health advocate/activist, prudently.
- Make a prayer bag/prayer list like grandma! ♥
- DAILY GOALS! Especially little steps that add up. It feeds hope!
- FIX THE ARCHIVES. Faith and mental health.
- Start studying movie & game OSTs again.
- MUSIC PRODUCTION SOFTWARE. Ask Mike?
- Keep working in physical tablets; the tangible aspect is beneficial for PTSD coping too! And it's a good, healthy ground into touchable reality, which I have admittedly been disconnected from due to dissociation and related trauma.
- COMMUNITY.
- Go back to building Leagueworlds? IF it feels right. The research is what I love-- aromachology comes to mind. Can I sanctify this?
- CALLIGRAPHY!
- Figure out what that Chinese stringed instrument that you love is and BUY ONE. Are there any local places that would sell such things?

------------------------------------------------------------------

(041419)
First day at Haven. Full of hope & love & optimism for the future. Overflowing with love for my family & fellow patients. This is such a gift from God. THIS is the UPMC vibe that I was so afraid I'd lost in the TBAS disaster, God bless & heal them. But yes, this is it. It's just here. It's self-evident; it's true, it's genuine, it's rooted in faith and fierce compassion-- it cannot fade; it cannot be lost, because this is unquestionably from Christ and it is HIM in me, HIS Grace for His Glory through me, little weak struggling me, for testimony to His Great and Beautiful Love. And with Him, I'm not weak or struggling because His Power is working to perfection through it. That's the spectacular glorious paradox of God. He chooses the weak & lowly, the meek & vulnerable, the sick & feeble & suffering of the world to "bring to nothing" the proud & self-assured, those whose minds are focused on earth, whose thoughts are only on this life, whose hearts have no room for God, being choked with vanity. And I have been, and still can be, guilty of that, may the Lord have mercy on me a poor sinner. But He has, and does, and thi experience is proof-- because if I let Him humble me and lay me low, if I surrender in trust to His will, contritely confess my sins, and seek Him again, miracle of miracles, He receives me with open arms, draws me ever closer to His infinite Heart, and makes me into something greater than myself, greater than anything on earth… He makes me a witness to Him.

☆Bulimia relapse prevention ideas.
- Reroute hunger & food fascination: remember UPMC "food painting" and apply that conceptually elsewhere.
MAKE THINGS & SHARE/GIVE!
- Smaller portions more often. Set a tentative schedule but PLAN FOR INTERRUPTIONS & TRAVEL. Make portable things ahead of time & buy portable food.
- PORTION CONTROL. Buy small containers & get a LOCKBOX to prevent cheating. Emulate hospital exclusivity & limits!
- Get a dietician/nutritionist! I need proper vitamins too!
- Drink more water; fullness abates habitual hunger.
- Remember my body NEEDS a light & cool diet in order to feel healthy! Hot, heavy, salty, savory foods make me ill.
☆Retake the Wizard's Oath (Duane) and LIVE BY IT. Protect & preserve God's Creation. Resist & oppose destruction & entropy. Live as an ambassador of Truth, Life, and Love, no matter what.
This is your Ordeal!! Endure in faith until the end!

(041419)
-EVERY suffering we endure can be united with Christ's Passion & crucifixion. I firmly believe this.
☆Religion CANNOT be a dead theory-- words and no heart. Christianity is about CHRIST, a living person, just like us all.
☆Catholicism seems to lend itself to this gorgeous sort of sight that allows ALL things to be brought into the faith practice? POTENTIALLY. This indeed is something I must write about because it is also a potential window to heresy & corruption if dealt with unwisely, or with a malformed conscience-- remember Paul's letters to the Corinthians. "All things are lawful BUT not all things are edifying!" This fact bust be discerned IN CHRIST with purity of heart intention. Our consciences will be our guide only if led by the Holy Spirit. Yes, all things are God's, BUT we still live in a fallen world and so we cannot ignorantly or foolishly try to "project" a Catholic stamp of approval onto a secular phenomenon if that very phenomenon is inherently, or overwhelmingly, anti-Christ. And this sort of evaluation must be KEENLY DISCERNING, leaving NO wiggle room for sin in ANY form-- no compromise, no moral relativity, no lukewarmness, no blind tolerance. We MUST walk the razor's edge & strive to enter through the narrow gate. "Only the pure of heart shall see God," and purity has unflinching criteria.

"Dream World" reboot notes!
☆NEW NAME. They're "virtue/conscience creatures" and they exist TO HELP HUMANITY, FOR THE SAKE OF CHRIST. This truth must be reflected in everything about this reboot-- it must all aim to God.
☆ Parallels to Catholic beauty-- the Mass, Sacraments, Saints, Scripture, Tradition, Catechism, etc. Creatures are still conceptual? But born FOR & FROM these things, to inspire & inflame Divine Love.
☆ They exist to HELP humanity, not rule them! Think of Digimon. This is a mutual cooperation. CHRISTIANS NEED COMMUNITY and we must SERVE each other. This MUST be clearly portrayed in the intrinsic partnership dynamic.
☆ Religious atmosphere= churches/cathedrals of course but what about the old Pillars, the Pyramids, the Temples, etc.? Remember the faith is UNITED with NO warring sects or disagreeing beliefs. No heresies, apostasies, schisms, etc. Instead there are beautiful individualized expressions of the same heart, based on COLOR & ELEMENT. This is also affected greatly by ENVIRONMENT, in stunning ways-- some areas of worship being tied directly to unique characteristics, like volcanoes, waterfalls, glaciers, caves, cliffs, desert, etc.
☆ The core is CATHOLIC and this is the POINT. The DW creatures EXIST for the purpose of the faith, to accompany, assist, and inspire humans in their practice of it.

CPTSD
"The worst has been avoided, even if the battle has not been completely won."
☆PHYSICAL COPING FIRST. Then thoughts. (SINGING, music)
☆"unfair/unjust" foxhole; family effect
☆GOD FORGIVES. research & study & pray about this.
☆"prosthetic leg" analogy: YOU CAN'T GROW IT BACK. think of Ed Elric. Think of AL.
☆Reliving trauma; CLOSURE seeking cycle. Did I write about this yet? (Addiction parallel?)
☆Flashbacks are PHYSICAL MEMORY.

-Identify triggers (physical).
-Find a SAFE PLACE. BUILD one even. TANGIBLE!!! (GET A PUP TENT)
-practice PHYSICAL coping skills: UNTENSE. release stress response. (heart rate, temperature, tension, hair raised, breathing, etc.)
☆LIST THESE SKILLS. THEY MUST BE ACCESSIBLE ANYWHERE.
-"quick hypnosis"? visual color shock.
- go to safe place, TRIGGER & COPE. teach closure & recovery. DEPOWER the trauma.

☆emotions are a SURVIVAL TACTIC. DO NOT ELIMINATE THEM!!! control your responses!! (f/f/f/)

"don't be afraid of the things that made you freeze in a way that makes the freezing less safe."

In triggers, ALL THE SENSES ARE EFFECTED. Pay close attention.
DON'T RUN-- stay safe, but stay aware. If you cannot recognize the danger you can't protect yourself from it.

☆Traumatic events: defined as such by an inability to cope with and/or protect oneself in the event.
Trauma is a personal phenomenon and so two different people can experience the same event with different responses-- one may be able to cope, but the other one may not be able, and this latter one may therefore experience this event as TRAUMA. This different response is entirely valid and must be respected.
As a result of the individualized nature of trauma, coping skills-- although they all ultimately seek the same beneficial end-- will be similarly individualistic. What works for one person may be ineffective, perhaps even triggering, for another person, even if those two persons experienced the same traumatic event.