0817

2am update for the love of the system.

we really are praying "too much." this is becoming obsessive-compulsive.
we are not letting our soul, or brain, or heart, take a rest at all.

we've been catching some legit TOXIC & DISTURBING ideas about religion popping up, from what foni we can't pinpoint, but they're all scared young girls. like pre-highschool almost. very very vague and hard to find.

we need to write about all that ASAP. write down the thoughts from the prayer cards, and from the godphone, and from the bible commentary, etc. but DON'T LET THE THRISKEFONI TAKE OVER because they are willfully blind to the big picture and will straight-up DENY any troubles that we're having, as well as the very existences of every other foni in the system.

as for why i'm updating while laurie is glaring over my shoulder and telling me to get some freakin' sleep.

we've been so out of touch, so out of the loop, so out of tune, so out of sync, et cetera. since june i think.

but.
tonight i just randomly started reading some entries from the end of 2022. that "recently." trying to remember things. who we were. what we've lost sight of. how to find our way back.

it's...
...
...i can feel a light in my heart for the first time in God knows how long.


do not abandon the spectrum.
do not ignore the system.
yeah we're struggling and we are so lost compared to how saturated our color was about 7 years ago, when we were diving headfirst into our collective soul.
but we're no longer being actively traumatized. this prayer ocd is filling the gaps. i recognize this.
for God's literal sake we need to stop that misrouting.

we need to live as a community, and we need to live our faith AS a community.

keep reading the archives.
update no matter what. even if it's small. don't give up.
keep reviewing our past, all the joys and sorrows and pains and dreams and love. it's real. we're still real.

get some sleep
we'll deal with tomorrow when it gets here

hold on to hope. always.

God loves us, okay? He does.
remember that too.
that's the truth our entire history testifies to in brilliant colors.