2021 therapy + hospital papers & worksheets

(approximate date; from random papers)

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GRATITUDE WORKSHEET

What overlooked blessings do you have to be grateful for right now? 

My house, the TREES outside, my laptop & musical instruments, my books... physical blessings abound. I had a great childhood & great creative opportunities. But I am also grateful for spiritual gifts-- for musical talent & appreciation, for creativity in art, for a genuine penchant for writing &  poetry, for a singing voice. I thank God for my color, for the whole Spectrum, for the ones I love. I thank God I HAVE a church to go to & CAN go without persecution or risk. I thank God for CHRISTMAS & winter & snow & rolling hills & the scents of spring & autumn & dawn & pine trees, for little arbutus flowers & grapevines under the cherry tree & blueberries on the hill & PEARS next week. My life overflows with infinite tiny grand & gorgeous gifts. I am so grateful.

What things are you grateful for about yourself?

I like my hands, despite their terrible past. They've also done such good. I like my eyes and my goofy smile. I like my gray hairs! I LOVE the matching freckles on my ears & face & shoulders, and honestly I love my scars (and the people who gave them). I like my wide shoulders & funky ribs & terrifically visible spine. I love the tree veins in my arm. I love the warm low hum of my voice early in the mornings. I love that ridiculous face I've apparently made since childhood (you know the one). I love the fact that this poor battered body still strives to survive even when I don't. I am so grateful God GAVE me a body through which to experience this world's blessings & love other people & serve God in so many tangible intimate sweet & significant ways. I love my nose of unknown genetics. I love that Jesus came to earth to have a body just like mine, to sanctify all our bodies in Him.

What activities help you enjoy the moment without thinking of anything else?

Walking in the woods. Standing in the rain. Night drives. Looking up at the stars. SNOW. Listening to certain evocative songs. Being alone in church. Lying in bed at night. Talking to anyone in headspace. Really looking at the colors & textures of an object, or feeling them. Writing with a pencil. Painting shirts. Playing a musical instrument. Running. Eating a good salad. Bus rides home. Sitting in empty theaters. Exploring quiet old buildings. Early mornings. Any & all time alone with Chaos 0. Writing music & hearing it come together. Sketching in pencil & using my hands to blend it. Oceans at dawn.

Who are you grateful for in your life?

CHAOS ZERO, LAURIE, GENESIS. You guys are the JOYS OF MY HEART. ♥♥♥
Ryman, Markus, Celebi, & Phlegmoni always brighten my day. (Always have & will!)
Leon, Julie, Knife, Razor, Scalpel, Infinitii, & Shirley all mean so much to me.
MY BOSS = ♥!!! Also my bed gang: Unisalia, Cherry Candy, & Calyrex!
I miss the Spectrum, so much. I love all of you. Come back soon, please.
My grandmother is also still my best friend in the physical world.
I genuinely am grateful for my guardian angel & want to have a better relationship with him. AND my mom Mary!! I love her so much. And JESUS, the soul's truest Friend. Thank You for all the snow visits. Help me be a better friend!!

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+ Genuinely considering a "scary" aesthetic for the sake of SPACE/ DISTANCE/ SAFETY. Admittedly it's a defense mechanism; if you look threatening, hopefully you won't be bothered.
+ GET STRONG. I cannot defend myself currently with how weak this body is. Muscle also contributes massively to the intimidation factor. PRIORITIZE THIS.
+ CAN I BE SCARY BUT STILL CATHOLIC??? How do I reconcile this wanting to be "frightening" with the "meek & gentle" Christian ideal? How do I remain a servant of Christ while wanting to literally frighten away those who would do me ill? CAN I?? Or am I doomed to be a victim?

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+ Self-actualization needs are "never fully satisfied; as one grows psychologically, there are always new opportunities to grow." BUT you can achieve this actualization FASTER by MINIMIZING all other "needs" (monasticism/ asceticism)!!!
+ Traditional "needs" lists LARGELY DO NOT APPLY TO US?? Our "needs" include: trust, compassion, integrity, order, clarity, space, beauty, growth, hope, learning, mourning, contribution, stability, cooperation, etc. BUT anything like "self-expression, spontaneity, intimacy, ease, humor, celebration," etc. actually DISGUST us on some level??? SO DO "BASIC" NEEDS like companionship, acceptance, inclusion, warmth, safety, participation, empathy, even things like food/water/shelter and "to be seen/ known/ heard." It strikes us as STUPID & HEDONISTIC & GROSS???? WTF IS WRONG WITH OUR BRAIN that we actually damn ourselves for even CONSIDERING that we MIGHT NEED body care & human interaction. But no, the kneejerk response is VITRIOL. WHY.
+Also, DIFFERENT COLORS/ NAMES/ ELEMENTS HAVE DIFFERENT NEEDS!!! Maybe an Orange might need warmth & community, but a Red might need creativity & order? Things like that. It's hard to put words to it, as we only really have vibes & feelings instead of words & terms. It's very difficult to discern "emotions" and the like; we lack the vocabulary? This would be a good selves-awareness exercise then.

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SELF-CARE WHEEL

+ BTW replace ALL instances of "self" with "SYSTEM"!!!
+ DIFFERENT NOUSFONI HAVE DIFFERENT NEEDS!!!! (WRITE ABOUT IT!!! ASK ABOUT IT!!!)

+ "Professional needs" = applies to housework AND Headspace??

WHO WRITES THIS STUFF??
SO MUCH OF IT IS ALL ENTITLED HYPERNORMAL BULLSHIT!!!! ESPECIALLY THE "EMOTIONAL" ONE
(dude we NEED more font options for these people!!!) (AND font studies!!) (AND PRACTICE)

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