and suddenly

SESSION PARTICIPANTS
LAURIE UBERICH J (UNSTABLE CORE)



…Why can't I cry?

It's not that you can't, it's that you won't.



…How do you know so much.

Because I'm in your head, you bozo. There are no walls up here. Everything you think and feel goes through the airwaves at some point and you know it; it just depends on who's tuned in to pick it up. I'm tuned into every damn station you've got. You're an open book to me. And I am to you, too, if you ever dared to look and listen.

No you're not.

You wanna bet?

…

Yeah, I used to have walls up, we all know that. I know that better than anyone. But who tore the damn things down? You. And yeah, I wear a ton of armor, I have to, it's part of my job defending you from the ton of terror you've gotta face up here on a daily basis. I've been failing at that lately and I'm sorry.

No you're not--

Yes I am, and you know it; we've all been failing at our jobs since North Carolina but that's not the immediate topic. That's next. What I'm saying right now is that yeah, I've got a lot of armor on, but that don't mean a thing to you. Not to you. You're the wound in my armor. You're the sword plunged straight through my chestplate. That will never change. No matter what hells you go through, kid, that defines you and I want you to remember that, no matter what self-hatred tries to oppose it. It's all lies. Hatred is the exact opposite of you.

Why have I been struggling so much with self-hatred lately?

North Carolina. That's step one.

Oh. …Yeah, it probably is.

Unresolved trauma and grief, no therapy of any progress towards that end, and no bloody xanga sessions until now, Hallelujah, it is Easter season after all, now get the heck out to that car and do your chores with your grandma before we lose our worktime.

Oh geez, I'm sorry!

Don't beat yourself up over it, kid. This is vital too. But we've gotta wait to discuss any heavy topics until we've got like… three solid hours of uninterrupted time. Plus we've got to invite other people in, and go through some archives as well.

Gotta start slow. Please.

We will, kid. Now move your butt. I'll be here.

Thanks, Laurie. I love you.

I love you too, and that's the most important core of this issue. Now, intermission. Hold on to that until then.


(9:49 AM)