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Julie fronting at the obgyn doctor's office.

When did I become so "sensory"-- or, terrifyingly, "sensual"? When did I start needing physical input in order to understand things? When did I become so bodily oriented?
Is this all because of the hell year in NC?
I used to live almost ENTIRETY in my head. I was always caught up in daydreams, ideas, thoughts, etc. Thats why I was so creative in art and music-- I was so detached from the sensory realm that ALL my conscious attention was UPSTAIRS, imagining those things!
WHEN DID THAT CHANGE? HOW DID IT CHANGE? CAN I CHANGE IT BACK???
I'm scared because daily life now IS so demanding in a tangible sense-- constant chores, doctors appointments, talking to grandma & mom instead of to nousfoni, etc.
It's been too quiet inside of me, and too loud outside of me. The outside world is too busy and ugly and corrupt and secular and scary. It needs to go away. I need to get away.
Maybe THAT'S why I loved being hospitalized-- for a few days it was like a RETREAT. Literally all I did was pray, watch EWTN, and study the Bible & Catechism. I NEED THAT SORT OF LIFE but my current environment doesn't allow it.

 

Post appointment. Lady docs left me alone in the room. Felt like post-rape.
HORRIFIC PAIN. Bleeding. Literally COULD NOT MOVE FOR A SOLID HOUR.
Horrific trauma flashbacks. inevitably. Sobbing and wanting to die. In shock.
Julie and "infinitii" fronting to try & help
 

PEOPLE NEED NEW NAMES.

 

Gifts & Fruits of the Spirit

COLOR REALMS
Associated with MAGE ANGEL DUAL SPECTRUM??