dream journal 091819

"daria" doll giveaway? radio announcement. actually coraline. producers had found a "prototype head with camera" that they had originally lost, were giving it away. weirdly we had the original on our porch? buried in ashes mom had downstairs? big tube, next to chimney, leading down into charred pit. scary. torso w/legs, and arms separate, two different bodies there. ceramic, burnt, purplish at edges? falling apart. said some things, like a talking doll. mom said she had tried to sell it on ebay but didn't get anything; I said you had to advertise it the correct way; this was worth a lot of money.

Demon man on porch? me and chris (as a child). man trying to kill us; wouldn't die though. terrifying. eventually had to cut him up and burn the pieces to keep him dead. me doing so as usps guy came to door, covered bits with tarp, but guy didn't see me.

therapist calling on phone? talking to me like a friend. went to movies but forgot to hang up.
raining outside? and something with mike & blase having a birthday celebration in our kitchen? I remember mom was there, organizing music cds or something. but all she gave to mike and blase as gifts were big cardboard boxes full of bananas and oranges and other fruits. I remember everything was left as a mess on the kitchen floor so I went about organizing things and putting the boxes and fruit properly in their rooms. mike was playing some sort of starcraft-y game when I did so? I clearly feel like I saw something that reminded me of the protoss.

then organizing some sort of parade; was it christmas themed?
at old elementary school, in the half that was torn down-- me in a dressing room behind the double doors, getting into this beautiful wedding-dress-like gown, with a veil and flowing trail and open back and all. slightly tinted a pearlescent aqua. but guess who was there with me.
LAURIE.
oh my gosh she was. and she was getting into a dress too-- all gorgeous hard-light violet, and gunmetal grey, with shocks of blood red. and she was wearing HEELS. someone laughed and said they didn't expect her to be wearing heels when her normal footwear was "stomping boots" but she said that, somehow, they were related? as in they both required great skill and control to walk in. not only that but since she was "not actually a girl" her top looked more like a suit from the front? like it was half suit half dress. so fitting.
AND THEN EVERYONE ELSE WAS THERE
ryou and marik, genesis, chaos, and lynne showed up too!!!! laurie said we should all wear dresses "because everyone looks beautiful in a dress" but I expressed concern over gender roles and she acquiesced. ryou and marik wore complimentary suits-- ryou in white with blue pinstripes, and marik in black with purple pinstripes. it was adorable. lynne wore a DEEP VERMILION dress that was based of a violin?? I only saw it as she was walking out with Laurie, and oddly, Lynne looked like my old classmate Lauren at the time, until I recognized her and her face changed. but that was notable.
I was with her, but stopped when I realized I wasn't wearing a head veil, like a bride. I asked if I should go back and get it, as I wanted to, and chaos zero insisted yes, go get it! so I went back to do so.
now either before or after this, I don't recall, but laurie and I were in the dressing room, and I noticed her dress had an open back too, in the shape of a heart between her shoulders, and there was a big diamond-shaped scar there? I think I asked her where she got it, and I don't think she answered directly. but she said she'd "never hide it."
she turned around and looked at me with heartaching love and I told her "thank you for protecting me," pressing my hand to her heart. but she immediately took my hand and lowered it to rest instead right beneath her sternum, where I felt the other side of that big scar. her expression hardened and broke at once, and she said "I will always protect you, no matter what." I think she also corrected me somehow verbally, as I think I said something else concerning her scars, but perhaps that action had been so powerful I thought it was in words.
but. she has NEVER had that scar before. ever. and I know why. she killed herself after north carolina, and THAT WAS HOW. she ran herself through with her axe, and since the system was dead, she didn't resurrect. I haven't seen her since last october. and here she was. thank god.
but. after she said this, and I looked at her, I just reached out and took her face and kissed her. my memory was still corrupted by north carolina but she kissed me back as she always does-- solid and honorably, with nothing "romantic." like a knight. it felt like a swearing that she was still my protector, forever and always, and no matter what, she and I would always be bound by that love and devotion. it meant the entire world.

anyway it gets even better. now we were all getting dressed up for some sort of procession but it was CHRISTMAS themed?? and it was based in our attic, which, as always in good dreams, is HUGE. and this time it was full of people dressed as christmas elves, moving things about and unpacking and decorating. turns out mom built an ENTIRE santa's workshop up there, which on the other side, opened up into an easter workshop that was still somewhat snow-themed because of spring. it was awesome. I remember talking to the "head elf" about that, who was somewhat heavyset and had reddish curly hair; looked like he was only a little older than me.
but then I went and waited at the bottom of the stairs, where some black guy like kanye west trying to flirt with me, felt shifty. but I knew I'd be safe because laurie was in the parade, haha. no funny business with her around.
so the parade started, with lots of folks I didn't know at first, and a lot of rockettes-like girls all christmasy-themed, and THEN laurie and lynne and ryou and marik showed up. laurie was, dead serious, carrying her axe across her shoulders, horizontally. she grinned at me as she walked by, and the black dude who had been trying to flirt with me flinched, it was kind of hilarious. also I think every one of my "system mates" who saw me said something to me, and I think every one said something along the lines of "I love you." which was deeply moving.
but EVEN BETTER was the fact that after laurie, who shows up in spotlight at the top of the stairs-- huge fan covering their face-- but GENESIS. he was dressed in THE MOST ELABORATE DRESS like a showqueen. and he did this exaggerated elegant catwalk down the stairs, all decked in gold and jewelry, and wearing MASSIVE STILETTO HEELS. when he got to me, he hesitated briefly, wanting to say he loved me too but obviously trying so hard to fit this ridiculous persona that he wasn't sure how. he held back a laugh and said in a put-on haughty voice, "after the parade, you can lick my boots." I laughed, seeing how gaudy and glittery they were, and said "why, are they edible?" and his eyes lit up like they used to when he was young and he said "oh, of course! this whole outfit is edible! I can't wait until the parade is over." and he flounced away. but yes. not only was genesis dressed to the nines but he was WEARING CANDY. god bless him he's fantastic.
THEN CHAOS WAS IN A DRESS and it matched mine, it was all flowing and aqua and had tons of swooping chains of diamonds and things like he loves. but when he saw me he walked right over and he kissed me, I remember seeing in third person his arm covered in those elegant jewels, how fitting. It was wonderful.
unfortunately I began to wake up around here? but I remember that at the bottom of the stairs, all of a sudden I was in danger? there was some sort of alarm. and laurie IMMEDIATELY swung her axe down and RAN into action with everyone else.

I woke up around 7am and-- after making the bed & going to wash the dishes in the kitchen-- immediately wrote this down. thank you god. this is the first good dream I've had in months, and what a good dream it was.
life is looking up.