haven day 02

(041619)
☆Remember that I have CPTSD symptoms-- I experienced multiple, varied traumas over an extended period of time. This means that the triggers are also diverse, and unavoidable. Accept this inevitability. It is what it is. The past is set, but it can only affect us in the present, and so its effects are transmutable. Flashbacks and triggers WILL occur, but their root events aren't re-occuring. Yes, be wise and stay safe, but remember that memories are nonlethal and can be disarmed. Healing from PTSD does NOT mean trying to erase what is written. It means we stop rereading the same page. Yes, we may still revisit it at times, but if we remember that we are allowed to move on, we can. There's so much more story to be written.

☆As coping skills increase, so the risk of PTSD lessens, even if the risk of danger does not, and we MUST NOT IGNORE RISKS. There is no shame in being healthy, nor is there shame in being afraid-- fear exists as the most primitive & powerful voice on the side of survival. It can be irrational, it can be unreasonable, and it can be implacable, because it is hyperaware of risk, most notably where risk does not exist for others. But in every case, fear has the exact same incandescent goal: SURVIVE. This must be respected, but it must also be dealt with prudently. Blindly panicked survival does not think; it does not consider ANY CONSQUENCE besides the enduring of physical life. So those choices, although successful towards this singular end, may be ironically fatal to quality of life, as well as to one's health in nonphysical respects, to say the least. Coping skills are for TRIGGERS, not threats. If a legitimate threat to one's life exists, fear must be given a louder say, and healthy survival must be prioritized. Once safe, then coping skills can be utilized, and indeed must be, in order to minimize the risk of PTSD. Trauma can and will still occur, but we can preemptively enable ourselves to deal with its effects in a way that will ensure, to the best of our ability, both physical survival & mental health.

☆AFTERCARE is vital. A key is to remember what worked in HAVEN/UPMC and why. Those successful elements need to be identified and incorporated into our daily life, and most importantly, the core elements must be personal. Environments will change, and must change, therefore we must be prepared to face and cope with such inevitable changes by standing strong in our dedication to healthy behaviors and coping skills despite all external variation. Therefore those healthy methods must be rooted in something unchanging-- in God in our hearts. This is VITAL. God alone is unchanging and so He is the only viable anchor. God is also Love and Truth and Health-- all of those things we seek in our recovery. Even our own hearts can and do change. The skills we practice for healing are, by virtue of being healing-oriented, already anchored into the essence of God. This is true aftercare. No illness can prevail against it. Symptoms may indeed still continue, even until death, but God holds it all in His hands, while always seeking our highest Good. If and when we unite our efforts to His in that respect, proper aftercare is guaranteed.

☆COMPREHENSABILITY, SAFETY, SELF-ESTEEM: the three factors of life that are disturbed during TRAUMA.

Discipline vs abuse, in childcare=
1. Does the child comprehend what is occurring? Do they know why they are being disciplined?
-Do they know what act is being reprimanded? Do they know why it deserves reprimand?
2. Does the child trust their disciplinarian? Is the child aware of their freedom to "escape"?
-Are they free of harsh physical restraint? Are they in a public or open location?
3. Does the child retain a sense of worth? Are they aware that they are not defined by their error?
-Are they assured of forgiveness? Are their apologies trusted & accepted?
☆IF THE CHILD FEELDS UNSAFE, WORTHLESS, AND/OR CONFUSED/UNCOMPREHENSIVE, TRAUMA MAY OCCUR!!!
(AND IT SURE DID FOR US!!!)

COPING AT HOME.
☆Eat outside if you have to. Eat in the car if you have to. Get OUT of the high-stress environment EVERY time food is involved.
☆ Set a time limit for meals-- 45m. Make a tray, count the calories. Think like a videogame! If it's trackable, measure achievement.
☆ UTILIZE YOUR PHONE. Get numbers for docs, hospitals, crisis lines, social workers, etc. Get LOTS of coping apps that will keep your mindset health-focused. And keep up the Bible study CONSTANTLY.
☆HEADPHONES, esp. for mom & Chris. Keep earbuds on your person.
☆MAKE A SAFE SPACE! And it must be accessible SAFELY too.
☆RUN. ☆And get a BIKE! Walk the neighborhood too, within reason.
☆TALK TO LAURIE. She is as real as your heart. Do not forget her and her unfailing help through the years.
☆GO OUTSIDE. The world is so big & beautiful.
☆Pray ALWAYS. Set phone alarms for the Hours. Carry a rosary. Leave small reminders in unsafe/dangerous places-- prayer cards, holy statues, Scripture verses, little chaplets, etc. Keep lifting your heart & mind to higher things. This is a proven foolproof stabilization method.

PHYSICAL COPING!
-BREATHE.
-Let go of muscle tension-- tense & release one by one.
-Run!
-Lift weights then STRETCH.
-Sing? Make a playlist.
-Dance. Make a playlist!
-Go outside and run through the WOODS. ♥
-Gardening! Maybe get your own plot?

☆DISTINCTION between HIGH-IMPACT (exercise, exertion, force) and LOW-IMPACT (dexterity, focus, finesse)

DIFFERENT TRIGGERS WILL REQUIRE DIFFERENT IMPACTS TO PROPERLY COPE!!!!


SAFE SPACES. ♥
-Clean out the bedroom closet if possible.
-Get a pup tent; seriously! Set it up in the corner of the room if possible.
-Find a spot in the basement if possible?
☆I NEED a place outside that I can get to safely.
-The old chapel spot is semipublic but it's far enough away from the house to be a perfect recharge + distance spot.
-THE RIVER?? Dude did you forget there is a LEGIT RIVER right down the hill?? It starts by Uncle Barney's house, runs through the pipeline, & continues alongside the road! That could be IDEAL. Let's explore it.
- DIAMEW. I still want to build a chapel there. I should honestly try to.


"We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would haves us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enables us to match calamity with serenity."


"What causes fear?" (helplessness, the unknown? trauma. DISCUSS.)

☆I talk too much. (Channel this into public speaking?)
I need to listen more & only say what is EDIFYING-- and don't be proud about it. Glory to God only & always.
DON'T BABBLE. "Let your yes be yes and your no be no."

☆"Introduce yourself to yourself again."
-NO EXCEPTIONS. Be honest about all of it-- the negative & positive, the lovely & the ugly. Peel back all the layers.
☆How does Jesus see you? Remember, He loves you unconditionally BECAUSE HE KNOWS you unconditionally. Nothing is hidden from Him. His justice is AWARE. Pray for the grace to see yourself as He does-- all of the ugliness, but still with merciful love.