040919

good friday notes

hair shop, discussing judas in paintings

hyacinth shopping

man in walmart asking about my crucifix
said he was orthodox, showed me his crucifix in return

seeing christ in others = unable to lie, always kind.
see christ in the priest: confession without fear or shame.
see christ in mother: admit guilt, be kind, be forgiving. etc.

food trouble. I know why: french fries. potato fear. ended up binging.
why this compulsive behavior? I "wanted" to eat them and yet I did not. what "i" is speaking?


3pm service.
wore a secret red slip. for the blood.

distracted, drowning in guilt, rage, shame at self
"why are you letting me feel like this"
"so you can understand/ share in the suffering of my passion" "so you truly feel the weight of your sins and so truly feel the weight of my saving death for you"

spiritual communion wine

praying before His body.
kissing his forehead. weeping.
"the death and the resurrection" = eyes open(ing).

penance, the rosary. 5th sorrowful mystery.
thinking of mary while looking at Him = profound. suddenly understood significance of the rosary.

the reading? something struck me.
"I AM" definitely

raining outside