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past three days
Oct. 26th, 2016 11:30 pmsunday=
high mass
went card shopping, took a while!
birthday party for the boys.
didn't eat until 4pm, then went to saint judes for 5pm
went to bed horrifically nauseous?
read a lot of saint stuff on tumblr
monday=
I remember eating leftovers from sunday (beets, broccoli, etc)
biggest lesson= I will be cured of bulimia instantly IF I stop overeating!!
living with the "consequence of sin" from too much food, and not purging.
tuesday=
vomiting instance, very sorry. had to because I let myself be tricked by the devil
legion of mary meeting, I'm the new secretary
wednesday=
no saint jude novena, because I had a doctors appointment. felt awful about it.
stupidly wasted time this morning thinking about food shopping and halloween costumes.
God chastised me extensively for this worldly foolishness. He keeps telling me, insistently, that I need to stop caring about temporal things like that. I need to seek God ONLY, and just trust Him to provide for my daily needs. silly earthly things have no meaning outside of God, and they only have meaning BECAUSE of God. therefore I need to stop wasting my time and energy on them.
doc
farmers market
e.n. and wegmans
home,
eating,
then sister michelle called when we started the novena and I couldn't speak out of crushing shame and guilt. not only had I completely forgotten to prepare for the phone call, it had interrupted the novena and I didn't know whether or not this was a "sign" that I was doing something horribly wrong again.
I had to reschedule and then I just wanted to sob and scream and throw up but grandma told me stop it.
I realized about the constant asking about "should I buy this/that", I DIDN'T get a response because God was trying to tell me, "stop worrying about this sort of thing so much."
in other words, why was I freaking out so badly over food choices?
I should have just been quiet and trusted in him BEFORE buying anything, instead of "looking for signs" and inviting in tricky demons and bad spirits to nudge me down unwise alleys.
THIS ARTICLE
http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/how-to-hear-from-god-when-youre-in-a-crisis-11603738.html
and this one
http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/how-to-hear-from-god-regularly.html
★when voices are talking to me and focusing on earthly things, IT'S NOT GOD.
God will push me to obey HIS WILL and HIS WORD in what I am choosing to do.
I always need to stop and ask,
"IS THIS GLORIFYING GOD?"
and,
"WILL THIS MAKE ME MORE CHRISTLIKE?"
if the answer is no, then don't do it. simple as that.
"vice only feeds vice"
I see the lack of compassion in my life lately, the lukewarmness and hesitation to do good, and I immediately feel ashamed; but then I have to remember, "I must decrease and GOD must increase," and that God alone is good.
then, by His grace, I can actually be humbled and grateful for being able TO see all my failures and shortcomings, because that is God showing me what needs to be altered to let His grace flow through me better. If I am ashamed of a way I failed to be compassionate, God is saying, "now forgive yourself as I forgive you in your contrition, and your honest want to do good-- and next time you are presented with that opportunity, LET GO and let Me work through you better."
the whole thing of "is this a guilty action" with food ties into the fact that GOD'S SPIRIT IS PEACE.
the devil brings about confusion and anxiety and upset. when thinking about a certain food or meal makes me nauseous with nerves, THAT'S NOT GOD. and therefore I need to change whatever that thing is, to be something that aligns with GOD'S WILL instead.
I must persevere in prayer practices, because the devil uses little neglects to undermine your faith at large. they add up.
I cannot give up even when I am scared or dry or weak or tired. I must keep going, and PRAY FOR HELP.
prayer is a door. prayer should be an effortless cry from the heart, a reaching out to God. open the door and He WILL help you to pray.
remember. I do love God. I am weak and sinful but God uses me for His will regardless and I must humbly rejoice in and submit to that.
viral really is a good example. "do you need help getting ready now?"
follow that example. always look for ways to do acts of charity and mercy, and act on those instances. do not hesitate!! if the Spirit points you in the direction of service, DO IT!! don't "think about it" because that's the devil trying to talk you out of it. just do what God inspires you to do. make His Word like breathing to you.
reflect on his Word every day. reflect on His presence in your life and His teachings in every moment.
take LOTS of time to do this; set aside an hour or two in your schedule, and fix it there.
look to God, always.
"seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given unto you; alleluia."
remember in 2013 after the hernia surgery when I just trusted that I'd be cared for and people helped get me food?
it's that feeling. stop worrying about it; you are worth more than flocks of sparrows. put it in God's hands.
YOUR priority is to FOLLOW CHRIST. if you do that, everything else will fall into place, whether or not it "seems" good or bad. everything is in God's hands, no matter what.
this is true trust, that is true peace. THAT'S how I must continue to strive to live, by His grace. and if I do that, it becomes so easy to hear His voice and to follow it, because I'm no longer trying to control anything, or worrying "if it's going to work out" or whatever. it will, if it is of God, and that's ultimately all that matters, is walking as God directs me to walk. and He always will, because He loves me, and He WANTS me to do good for the glory of His name, and don't listen to the devil mock Him about that because the devil is a liar and he's proud and envious. ignore him.
God is good, and God made us to be good, as His children, for the glory of that goodness which IS Him.
don't think about it. know it, feel it in your heart, and live it in childlike effortless trust in every moment.
that's it for tonight. God, fill me with your determined unflinching love, to continue praising you in every moment by acts of love and obedience and simplicity and peacemaking. protect us all during the night, and guide us as we awaken, and deliver all those who die in their sleep into the light of Your mercy. we ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives(loves) and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever, Amen.
God will push me to obey HIS WILL and HIS WORD in what I am choosing to do.
I always need to stop and ask,
"IS THIS GLORIFYING GOD?"
and,
"WILL THIS MAKE ME MORE CHRISTLIKE?"
if the answer is no, then don't do it. simple as that.
"vice only feeds vice"
I see the lack of compassion in my life lately, the lukewarmness and hesitation to do good, and I immediately feel ashamed; but then I have to remember, "I must decrease and GOD must increase," and that God alone is good.
then, by His grace, I can actually be humbled and grateful for being able TO see all my failures and shortcomings, because that is God showing me what needs to be altered to let His grace flow through me better. If I am ashamed of a way I failed to be compassionate, God is saying, "now forgive yourself as I forgive you in your contrition, and your honest want to do good-- and next time you are presented with that opportunity, LET GO and let Me work through you better."
the whole thing of "is this a guilty action" with food ties into the fact that GOD'S SPIRIT IS PEACE.
the devil brings about confusion and anxiety and upset. when thinking about a certain food or meal makes me nauseous with nerves, THAT'S NOT GOD. and therefore I need to change whatever that thing is, to be something that aligns with GOD'S WILL instead.
I must persevere in prayer practices, because the devil uses little neglects to undermine your faith at large. they add up.
I cannot give up even when I am scared or dry or weak or tired. I must keep going, and PRAY FOR HELP.
prayer is a door. prayer should be an effortless cry from the heart, a reaching out to God. open the door and He WILL help you to pray.
remember. I do love God. I am weak and sinful but God uses me for His will regardless and I must humbly rejoice in and submit to that.
viral really is a good example. "do you need help getting ready now?"
follow that example. always look for ways to do acts of charity and mercy, and act on those instances. do not hesitate!! if the Spirit points you in the direction of service, DO IT!! don't "think about it" because that's the devil trying to talk you out of it. just do what God inspires you to do. make His Word like breathing to you.
reflect on his Word every day. reflect on His presence in your life and His teachings in every moment.
take LOTS of time to do this; set aside an hour or two in your schedule, and fix it there.
look to God, always.
"seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given unto you; alleluia."
remember in 2013 after the hernia surgery when I just trusted that I'd be cared for and people helped get me food?
it's that feeling. stop worrying about it; you are worth more than flocks of sparrows. put it in God's hands.
YOUR priority is to FOLLOW CHRIST. if you do that, everything else will fall into place, whether or not it "seems" good or bad. everything is in God's hands, no matter what.
this is true trust, that is true peace. THAT'S how I must continue to strive to live, by His grace. and if I do that, it becomes so easy to hear His voice and to follow it, because I'm no longer trying to control anything, or worrying "if it's going to work out" or whatever. it will, if it is of God, and that's ultimately all that matters, is walking as God directs me to walk. and He always will, because He loves me, and He WANTS me to do good for the glory of His name, and don't listen to the devil mock Him about that because the devil is a liar and he's proud and envious. ignore him.
God is good, and God made us to be good, as His children, for the glory of that goodness which IS Him.
don't think about it. know it, feel it in your heart, and live it in childlike effortless trust in every moment.
that's it for tonight. God, fill me with your determined unflinching love, to continue praising you in every moment by acts of love and obedience and simplicity and peacemaking. protect us all during the night, and guide us as we awaken, and deliver all those who die in their sleep into the light of Your mercy. we ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives(loves) and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever, Amen.
