jan 5 2016

if our brotherDOESNT SHUT HIS FREAKING MOUTH

he has such a savior complex it's NAUESATING.

he talks in a calm mocking voice all the time
"I'm trying to teach all of you and you just don't listen to me."
"you know im right."
"you don’t understand anything."
"hah! you're so stupid!"
"*laughing* you have no idea what's waiting for you!!"
"*pfeh* your eyes are so sealed shut, you're staring at a wall."
"(mocking voice)'oh, not the logic again, get away!' *mocking laughter*"

etc.

we can't take this.

he won't stop spitting misandist comments at me now
when he won't stop nagging and boasting and we
we snapped,
we yelled "shut up" because we just couldn’t deal with that on top of all the guilt and shame we're drowning in
and he just laughed
"there's that testosterone!"

and five seconds later someone collapsed on our floor and started sobbing

I
I don’t know what to do about all this.


overload/overlord hates him. she hates him, but it's like I said. it's not personal.
it's the desperate hatred that just wants the issue to be gone.



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@ 11:42 PM


I am so so so ANGRY

all our life we were safe

ALL OUR LIFE

now all of a sudden this damned hedonistic TAURUS shows up and TAKES OVER?????


WHAT THE HELL


WHY??????????



I want Cannon back, God I WANT CANNON BACK,
I want the days of sheer determination and rage and integrity backed by fire.

we want to be holy again, God, we want that childhood religious fear back,
we want that feeling of candles and rosaries and chapels back,
I don't care how scared we are, I don't care how scary it may be,
the fire and brimstone at least kept these sinners OUT of our body,

didn't it?



…

the first thing to do is forbid them from food

stop going to stores where they can buy things. we have to.

the second thing is to KEEP ALL THE DOORS IN THE HOUSE OPEN
so they can't lock us into hacking torture chambers anymore
like julie used to in the bad days

the third thing is to STOP LISTENING TO THEM.
they have horrible horrible thoughts and THEY ARE NOT US
nothing they say has anything to do with us
STOP TRYING TO CHANGE US INTO YOU, DAMN IT
IT WILL NEVER WORK