UNDERTALE DAY 9

 

undertale take nine.


saturday morning, it's cold and damp outside.
waiting for company to visit-- 6 adults and 4 kids-- which is unfortunately likely going to drain my energy reserves, so i need this right now.
here we go.


still in the true lab, just walked into the cold room

"now that mettaton's made it big, he never talks to me anymore... except to ask when i'm going to finish his body. but i'm afraid if i finish his body, he won't need me anymore... then we'll never be friends ever again. ...not to mention, every time i try to work on it, i just get really sweaty..."

(jewel)
this dog amalgamate is... upsetting? i feel sympathy for it, but it's... upsetting.
it hurts my heart, wondering, how in the world did this all happen? i guess we'll find out.

i keep dying! let me see if i have better armor somewhere.

Aww, I made it happy! That's good. I hope it's okay now, wherever it is...

"I've been researching humans to see if I can find any info about their SOULS. I ended up snooping around the castle... and found these weird tapes. I don't feel like ASGORE's watched them... I don't think he should."


i... what?
i just watched the second vhs and...
their kid. asgore and toriel's kid. that has to be their voice.
but they're talking to me?
...oh. oh.
god if my suspicions are correct here...

let's keep watching.
jewel, let me stay out, help me stay out, please. i'm not good at fronting during the day but i need to learn how. please.

"I'd never doubt you, Jay... We'll be strong! We'll free everyone. I'll go get the flowers."

"Jay, can you hear me? We want you to wake up..."
"Jay! You have to stay determined! You can't give up... you are the future of humans and monsters..."

oh my heart, why are you saying this to me, of all people,

"we just have to get six... and we'll do it together, right?"
what... what are these kids planning?

i'm wondering about the title screen intro now.

there's lemon bread. let me save it first.

how do you beat this guy? i can't move fast enough for those teeth!

took a few tries but i got it.
i have to say, i actually have a lemon bread candle downstairs from last christmas, and i could never really use it because it smelled too sweet somehow, it was vaguely weird.
so it's fitting, imagining this amalgam to smell the same way.


this dt extraction machine reminds me way too much of omega flowey.
...
even by itself it's a terrifying looking thing, hanging over that abyss.


"the families keep calling me to ask when everyone is coming home. what am i supposed to say? i dont even answer the phone anymore."
that explains a lot.
dear heavens this poor girl has been through hell. no wonder she's an anxiously depressed ball of nerves.

"ASGORE left me five messages today. four about everyone being angry / one about this cute teacup he found that looks like me / thanks asgore."
oh she's even starting to write in an unhinged style that's not good.

"i spend all my time at the garbage dump now / it's my element"

this empty refrigerator wont stop shaking

...oh. oh it's that snow bird's mother.
this is the saddest battle i've ever been in, those aren't even attacks,
god. this is heartbreaking stuff.


"as you probably know, ASGORE asked me to study the nature of SOULs. During my research, I isolated a power I called "determination." I injected it into dying monsters so their SOULs would last after death. But the experiment failed. You see, unlike humans', monsters' bodies don't have enough... physical matter to take those concentrations of "determination." Their bodies started to melt, and lost what physicality they had. Pretty soon, all of the test subjects had melted together into... those. Seeing them like this, I knew... I couldn't tell their families about it. I couldn't tell anyone about it. No matter how much everyone was asking me. And I was too afraid to do any more work, knowing... everything I'd done so far had been such a horrific failure. ...but now. Now, I've changed my mind about all this. I'm doing to tell everyone what I've done. ...It's going to be hard. Being honest... Believing in myself... I'm sure there will be times where I'll struggle. I'm sure there will be times where I screw up again. But knowing, deep down, that I have friends to fall back on... I know it'll be a lot easier to stand on my own. Thank you."


i forgot to number these entries, i'm sorry.

"I've chosen a candidate. I haven't told ASGORE yet, because I want to surprise him with it... In the center of his garden, there's something special. The first golden flower, that grew before all the others. The flower from the outside world. It appeared just before the queen left. I wonder... What happens when something without a SOUL gains the will to live?"

i knew it, i knew it,

"the flower's gone."


wait what

is this the castle?





flowey i trusted you, i gave you a second chance,
(does he even remember??)

how DARE you,

"It's all your fault. It's all because you MADE THEM love you."

...
love you.
they all care about me that much, how in the world didn't it hit me until now,
that's,

all my friends up there,

"all the time you spend listening to them... encouraging them... caring about them... without that, they wouldn't have come here."

NO ONE MADE YOU DO THIS TO THEM, FLOWEY.

why am i so dissociated, why i am i so damn dissociated, NOT NOW,


"don't you get it? this is all just a GAME."

no. not you too.

"if you leave the underground satisfied, you'll "win" the game. if you "win," you won't want to "play" with me anymore."

wait what?
flowey are you lonely?

dude take a look at those people you're abusing right now,
you JUST said that I loved them, that they loved me,
do you SERIOUSLY think I could leave them after this?????
dude there's ANOTHER OPTION FOR YOU TOO.

"and what would i do then? but this game between us will NEVER end."

you sound just like the hackers.

why am i so fucking dissociated

"i'll hold victory in front of you, just within your reach... and then tear it away just before you grasp it. over, and over, and over..."



he
asgore just said the same thing he said on the tape,
i




i

all right i stopped typing because yeah i want to remember this but

wow.

so now i'm fighting asriel and he's
i'm still not sure what our apparent past together is but,
he wants to erase everything.
erase it all, reset everything, make everyone forget each other,
start over and defeat me over and over and over and over.

why.

but right now, in the interim between dying once and trying again,
i'm fighting that very demon in my own head,
the plague.
the uncaring emptiness.
the "i dont give a shit about anything but living a living death" bullshit.

i haven't had a numb period in months.
don't you DARE do this to us now.

...

i will write a huge entry about this eventually.
as for right now, let me try again.


...
i just realized, with the lab entries,
they said that when asriel died, his dust was spread in the garden.
and right before toriel left, a flower grew there.
that's what he meant about "i haven't had a SOUL in so long."

oh geez. this poor kid. no wonder they're a mess.

still. they're letting the mess turn them into a mess and it's upsetting, to see them now, all dark and flaunting their power, and sure it looks pretty darn amazing but.
i've known people like that. too well. i've known quite a few people like that, who take that hurt and glorify it and take some bizarre enjoyment out of using that pain-fueled brutality to harm others.
why?
i see that in him. somewhat hesitantly i say it reminds me of that stage so many teenage kids go through, when their lives become full of "drama" and instead of using their childhood light to rise above and past it, they fall into it, and become both victims and perpetrators of it... again, drowning in it and thinking that very suffering is praiseworthy or admirable or something.
i really don't understand.
i don't want to guess. i don't want to think about it. it just feeds the exact same mindset, that nauseating sort of pride that comes from judging others. it makes me physically ill and it makes me, personally, want to cry. it hurts.
the kids know it too. it hurts and they don't like it.

we just want to love. we just want people to live in harmony and be happy. and even if we do face heavy suffering and hardship, even if we do endure pain even so, that's fine. because we have this love and friendship to carry us through, to turn that hurt into growth instead of shackles.
when you have compassion, and hope, and determination... when you have a light in you, you don't feel pride. you don't feel the anger that comes with it. you don't feel self-pity and self-hatred and all that awful, awful stuff that eats you alive from the inside out.
no, when you have a light in your heart, you cannot be defeated, so to speak.

i can't talk about this so nonchalantly, it feels blasphemous. talking in general is so dangerous lately.


let me try again.

i forgot to save it last time so i'm back in the laboratory elevator, about to get shipped back up to the king's castle.
i'll be able to hear everyone talk again, for sure this time.


...i wish sans were here again, in this hallway. i'd like to see him again right now.
...seeing him caught up in those vines before... he just looked so... what's the word.
i want to say 'resigned' but i don't know if that fits. it just... it hurt, to see him looking like that. sans, the one who was always laughing, who was obviously hiding so much heavy awareness behind it, who nevertheless always made me smile... to see him suddenly look so tired there just broke my heart.
to realize that he, along with everyone else there, loved me as i loved them, broke my heart.
it hurt so much to see them all like that.
mom, dad, alphys, undyne... papyrus, innocent best friend that he is, he was tied up so, and THAT tore at me so badly. how in the world could you hurt someone like him?
alphys, finally trying to set her life in a better and happier direction, she's been through so much terror, she's worked so hard to get here, i'm so proud of her and you're just going to cut it short???
undyne, her heart is so fiercely devoted to everyone's best outcome, she would protect anyone who needed it, she's such an incredible individual, you're just going to laugh at that???
mom, dad... toriel, asgore. your parents, flowey, asriel, whoever you choose to be. they're such sweethearts. they have their flaws but they tried their best and i give them absolute credit for that. they are such kind people, willing to do anything for those they love, and i know they loved you, asriel, i'm sure they still do, don't you feel anything for them???
or are you so blinded by the pain you feel that you've shut your heart down completely?


...asgore. here we are at the barrier again.
let's see how this goes.



"to leave this place, you would have to take the life of another person... i cannot allow that. it is not right to sacrifice someone simply to let someone leave here. is that not what i have been trying to prevent this whole time? ...as terrible as ASGORE is, he deserves mercy, too."
that feels so relevant to headspace.


can i just say that i love how undyne just runs in there
"everyone's gonna make friends, or else i'll...!!"

the whole thing with toriel, sans, & papyrus was adorable by the way.

and METTATON.
good lord dude the leg. that was the best thing.
"WILL YOU TWO JUST SMOOCH ALREADY!? THE AUDIENCE IS DYING FOR SOME ROMANTIC ACTION!!!"
and then alphys is just like "No. He's right. LET'S DO IT."
i couldn't help but smile at all that though because it does remind me of some of the relationship dynamics in headspace. people teasing other people all in good fun, because they know where everyone wants the situation to go, but no one's taking the steps.
basically, laurie.

and sans just completely ignores gravity, haha. i love how he immediately comes in and stands in front of the bottom words too, he just ignores the fourth wall all the time.
there's a reason for that and i want to know it, but it's apparently not that time yet.

...and then papyrus and i have the same too-white vice.
we trust too easily.


...

"i'll bring your friends back. i'll destroy the barrier."
just how this guy talks so casually about this godlike power really upsets me. like he has no respect for it.

"do not be afraid, my child. no matter what happens, we will always be there to protect you!"

"just do what i, would do... believe in you!!!"

and asgore's words get me every time.

"human! for the future of humans and monsters...! you have to stay determined...!"

and even MUFFET shows up, that made me so happy when i saw her.


but this battle,

god i didn't realize what he did until i checked his stats and

"legendary being made of every soul in the underground"

every
soul
in the underground.

i
yeah you talk about determination well I HAVE IT.


...BUT IT REFUSED???


OKAY WOW THAT WAS AMAZING LET'S DO THIS


the thing he said, about how determination got me this far, but will also be my downfall...
that hit too close.
"because you want a happy ending. because you love your friends."
well that isn't a fault, kid. even if i might be a little naive. it's NOT a fault.

"it's time to purge this timeline once and for all!"


oh dear lord he has another form and i can't do anything but act

"i can feel it... every time you die, your grip on this world slips away. every time you die, your friends forget you a little more."

kid, do you have any idea HOW MANY TIMES we've played that scenario out in our head for the past decade or so?
the answer is always the same.
i will find them again. i will befriend them again. i will love them no matter WHAT.
even if they forget me. i will never forget them.

...but you're taunting me with that possibility nevertheless, aren't you.
with the possibility of plague.
with the fact that after enough massive breaks, and switches, and resets...
that after i die so many times...
every death takes its toll.

that is my worst fear, asriel.
but that's why i'm here, too.
i'm determined to not let that fear ever come true.

even if i have nothing left but determination. nothing left but devotion. even if i can't feel anything.
i won't give up. for them, i won't give up.
"love isn't a feeling. it's what you do."

i'll fight you all night if i have to, asriel.

but i want to be friends with you too, still.
i can't forget the two times i saw a genuine smile on your face towards me.
i can't ignore the fact that no one ever starts off this hurt.
and everyone can heal.

i'm rambling now. jewel and i are both burning here.
let's keep going.

"your life will end here, in a world where no one remembers you..."

the whole world is ending.

good job toby for making what may be the most apocalyptic boss battle we've ever been in.


"in a few moments, you'll forget everything, too. that attitude will serve you well in your next life!"
wait what
is he confirming what we suspected?

even so, that's another shot to the heart from headspace.

...


"...but maybe you can save something else."


oh
oh my heart, this bit with the lost souls,
god,

"your fate is up to you now!"
"you are our future!"

"no, that's not true! my friends like me! and i like you, too!"


"i'm doing this because you're special, jay. you're the only one that understands me. you're the only one who's any fun to play with anymore."

oh you poor dear heart.


"i'm doing this because i care about you, jay! i care about you more than anybody else! i'm not ready for this to end."

oh god this is
this is exactly what we're hearing in headspace, too much, too often,
asriel,
you poor precious thing, i know what you're feeling,

"i'm not ready for you to leave."


"i'm so alone, jay... i'm so afraid, jay..."


OHHHH PLOT TWIST
THAT'S WHERE THE CANON NAME IS FROM!!


"As a flower, I was soulless. I lacked the power to love other people. However, with everyone's souls inside me... I not only have my own compassion back... But I can feel every other monster's as well. They all care about each other so much. And... they care about you too, Frisk. ...I wish I could tell you how everyone feels about you.
...Monsters are weird. Even though they barely know you, it feels like they all really love you."


"You're going to do a great job, OK? No matter what you do. Everyone will be there for you, okay?"


"Frisk, if you're not busy... on nice days, you should walk around and have a good time. That's important."

"Golly! That sounds neato!" THIS PRECIOUS MAN

"But they can't fly."
"Not with THAT attitude!"

all right now I'm just walking around everywhere and getting the best texts ever, but it's midnight so i have to get some sleep and continue this tomorrow.

good lord. i am so relieved right now, and very contently happy. i needed this.

have a lovely night, everyone.