okc2

Posting this as we no longer have a profile on this site but we're not sure who wrote this and publicity-intended self-descriptions are always interesting.


My self-summary
I have virtually no idea how to write a profile dude, just scroll on down and see what we've got.

★I am biologically female (for now) but I identify as AGENDER/ ANDROGYNOUS with a transmasculine edge, and I am taking hormones for this purpose.
I go by they/them or xe/xir pronouns.
I am also ASEXUAL and no I do not need to be cured.
That's all important so it's right up top.

★I am mainly seeking "friends," or at least, people with imaginations and a bright love of the world, who are willing to associate with someone like me. I operate best as a sidekick, or a listener, or something close to an imaginary friend. I am mostly invisible but that is because my vitality is expressed internally. I have a strong and caring heart even if I am quiet or confused.
If you are willing to share light and wonder with someone then I would be happy to try my best for you.

★I am currently seeking ANYONE who identifies as female/ predominantly feminine, ideally someone who is genderqueer and/or transgender like myself.
I currently have no interest in male-identified individuals, sorry dudes.

★To be sincere and straightforward, I'm rather poor at self-summaries because my "sense of self" is nebulous.
I have at least one mental health diagnosis that plays heavily into this, which I cannot hide entirely and so I also must disclose that up-front.
(This diagnosis effectively defines my life, for both good and ill, and so I apologize for the flatness of this profile in its absence.)
I do not feel 25, nor do I "identify" as such, having lost a lot of time due to psychological distress. I'm really somewhere between 13 and 21 mentally, approximately.

If you have questions, or are curious about something I have not disclosed or discussed, please ask. I am not sure what to state here without overly embellishing things, or presenting myself in a way that is not wholly correct. So do not be afraid to inquire.

This profile may, by extension, be "inapplicable" to other facets of myself/ourself. I will try to minimize the possibility of mixed-up communication.


What I’m doing with my life
Self-analysis and improvement, mainly.
I am also very spiritual/religious (differentiation is hazy for me), and although I feel my practice is utterly inadequate as of yet.
Psychospiritual progress is the #1 priority in my life, no matter how I may stumble in that process.

I am an artist at heart, but I am still trying to find a medium and method that I can use without psychological difficulty. At the moment, I mostly enjoy digital coloring.
I compose music digitally as well, which I enjoy immensely, once I have a song that needs to be written.
Most of all, I write. About 85% of it is a "mental health journal" at this point, but that's practically a novel already (there are thousands of pages).
However I also have several hundred pages of worldbuilding work for at least 10 fantasy/sci-fi stories I am working on. This is arguably my true joy, although it is also devastatingly overwhelming at times. I would not lose it for the world, as it means more to me than anything else tangible in it.

I am currently unsure what to do for a career. I pursued art before but my mental state did not allow for it. I may try again.
In any case my present life timeframe is concern enough. I am taking life one day at a time currently, but I am still pondering possibilities. I do strive for a future.
My biggest complaint is how I feel pressured to put a "dollar sign" on my life. If my existence is not "marketable," I am to feel useless. This is agitating and I am striving to find a way out of it, to be able to survive in this world and market without further sacrificing my health to do so.


I’m really good at
Seeing hope and light. I don't lose faith even when life is collapsing. This can be ironically hellish at times, but it is truly my biggest strength and biggest weakness all at once.

I would hope I am good at internal work, for lack of a better term. I regularly shock my psychologists with how much self-attained knowledge I initially enter the room with. I find it funny but I learn even more having to explain everything all over to different people.

I would also say I am good at my creative pursuits, although my opinion of "good" may not "measure up" to what others label as such. I love my work and it expresses my imagination adequately enough for now. But I put my heart into it and that, for me, is true good.

(My weakest point is, ironically, character-building. I find it hard to understand a great deal of "normal social life" so what I consider "identifiable" may not make sense to many others. I therefore feel pressured to conform, and this is draining the enjoyment out of my work. Nevertheless I am trying to quit this toxic 'obligation.')

I'm good at speaking, perhaps? I'm told I have rather intelligent and articulate speech, although I feel I am babbling most of the time. I'm better with words when I have time to structure and understand them.

Lastly, I am unfortunately good at "meeting expectations." Partly because of my mental state, I have learned how to guess at social situations to the point where it almost becomes a game. This has allowed me to survive in many situations but it is blatantly dishonest and that hurts personally.
I am a kind person and I love people, but it is exhausting and saddening to not be able to be truly 'genuine' as that is often 'not accepted' or 'too unusual.' In my small community, those labels fit a great many things, unfortunately.
So I would warn you, when attempting a conversation with me. Do not hold me to constant eye contact or nice language. I communicate and listen better when I do not have to conform to what is considered "proper performance."
I am a good listener even if I do not know how to express a response. People are fascinating and I am still learning about others, although at times it can be scary.


Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
★Books: Fahrenheit 451, His Dark Materials, Young Wizards, A Wind In The Door, I Lucifer, Animorphs
I read a lot of research books, especially about symbols and their application. I also read religious texts when I feel capable of doing so.

★Webcomics: Paranatural, Cucumber Quest, Subnormality, O Human Star, The Last Cowboy, Monster's Garden, Homestuck, etc.

★Movies: Inception, Ferngully, Men In Black, Metropolis (Rintaro), I Robot, The Brave Little Toaster, The Lego Movie
I especially love Don Bluth animation.
I don't get to see a lot of movies and I need to be careful with them, but they are interesting.

Music: I especially like the following genres:
★Neo-progressive rock (FROST*, It Bites, Karmakanic, The Reign of Kindo, The Dear Hunter, The Flower Kings, Unitopia, etc.)
★Choral/choir music, esp. in Latin or when "electronified" (John Rutter, Mack Wilberg, Eric Whitacre, Dale Warland, Paul Schwartz, Forss, etc.)
★Video game OSTs (Nier, Final Fantasy, Klonoa, NiGHTS, Sonic, etc.) (Masashi Hamauzu is my favorite.)
★"Chillout" (Chad Valley, Toro y Moi, Bon Iver, Washed Out, Baths, Lapalux, etc.)
★Other: Todd Rundgren, Mesita, Ed Harcourt, James Blake, SOHN, Son Lux, Everything Everything, As Tall As Lions, Cousteau, Antony & the Johnsons, Ben Folds Five, Daley, Rufus Wainwright, etc.

I normally do not like broadly listing genres as I gravitate more towards specific sounds and vibes than I do general styles.
Musicals (both stage and screen) fascinate me as an art form but I don't like the sound of most of them. I love Razia's Shadow, Flight!, and Phantom of the Opera. I am trying to listen to more.
I could talk about music a lot. It's a very significant experience for me.

★The only TV shows I watch are Gravity Falls & Steven Universe.
I used to watch TV as a youth but I have sparse memory of it.

★Food really doesn't faze me much, I have a limited diet and am recovering from some severe eating disorder concerns.
Mainly, if it's green, or drowning in spices, I will like it.
Best things: curry powder, cucumbers, lettuce, KABOCHA SQUASH.


The six things I could never do without
I try to do without a lot. Minimal possessions are ideal.

Currently my most important "things" are:
1. my paper tablets (for art and graphing)
2. my laptop (for digital work)
4. the forest around my house (proven to be a need)

Of course it is good to have a place to live, at least a place to safely sleep at night. Basic survival requirements are understood to be needed.

Things I like having but do not "need":
1. my iPod (for music)
2. library cards (books!)
3. childhood plush unicorn
4. an Xbox (to play Nier and Dishonored)

Last but not least, I could never live without everyone else inside.
I have tried multiple times, and their irreplaceability has been proven just as frequently.


I spend a lot of time thinking about
Trauma recovery/ healing, creative brainstorming.
I also do a lot of sensory observing; things like colors and textures are really incredible and I can easily become enthralled with just those.

I think about COLORS a lot. I love colors.
I also love shapes, geometry, numbers, etc. in a more symbolic manner. I want to go back to studying math.
I also love music and sound, but I need to educate myself more on its technical side before I can fully appreciate it as I wish to.

Otherwise, I try not to think wantonly as it burns me out!
Also, thinking is never a one-person affair for me, so that alone gets overwhelming.
I meditate whenever possible. If all else fails, I will just listen to music.


On a typical Friday night I am
Getting through the night, really. It's always hardest from about 8pm-11pm. After that we're golden.
My mind splits days into threes and the transitions are tricky.

Ideally I am just typing and/or reading, or working on music.


You should message me if
★ You are okay with me being asexual and will not "test" this
★ You are okay with me not being romantic and will not pressure this
★ You are okay with me (us, really) having a "mental disorder" (awful term really, it's given us more order than "normalcy" ever did)
★ You want to!

Also. Please don't force me to instantly reply or "keep a conversation going" just for the sake of talking.
With too many words to answer I quickly feel trapped and agitated, as the amount of information processing I have to do is overwhelming.
I am better with describing things, or listing information, or brainstorming topics. I know that's not really "conversation" but I'm used to living in an environment where I'm just the go-to data guy anyway.
So yes, please let me know whether or not you want us to answer right away, if at all. (I'm okay with just listening too.)

I apologize as communication is not my strong suit. However I am a good listener and I will read everything you send me, whether I feel capable of replying formally or not.

Thanks for reading this profile!