060123

As of last night no one exists anymore 
They were only born because they couldn't let go of the past 
So I let go of everything 
Now I'm free 

 

 

checkmate

 

 

Hey readers. J here.

I don't usually try to get "the last word" with anything, but whatever voice posted today's pseudo-update was not speaking for us.
Yes, we are all trying to "let go of the past," but there's a difference between letting go and pretending you've forgotten. That voice was doing the latter. To quote explodingdog, "it's just not that simple"... ironically.
It actually is simple, to truly let go. But that's the wrong way to go about it. To quote Marianne Williamson this time...

“Forgiveness releases the past to Divine correction and the future to new possibilities. Whatever it was that happened to you, its over. It happened in the past; in the present, it does not exist unless you bring it with you. Nothing anyone has ever done to you has permanent effects unless you hold on to it permanently.”

That's the key that the voice this morning missed entirely. Forgiveness. You can't give something a cold shoulder and pretend that's forgiving, because it isn't. I have to genuinely look at whatever shadows and demons are still haunting us, trying to resurrect the past, and forgive them wholeheartedly. Last night, from whatever fogbank I was lost in, I would have sworn I was incapable of that. Right now, I cannot comprehend how I could ever not forgive.

No permanent damage has been done, thank God. No one actually "died." However, there were still severe repercussions: that voice's alleged attempt to "annihilate the past" has temporarily barred my access to headspace entirely, so I cannot reach anyone right now. However, this is a temporary boon as well, as it also keeps Razor and Jess out.
I very dimly heard Laurie about 10 minutes ago, as if she was shouting through and punching a thick pane of glass, from far away. It was VERY dim, but it was enough to assuage my fears of her being dead or annihilated, and I sent a genuine burst of reassuring energy to her in return.
I think she can still get "echoes" of info from downstairs, and can send the same to us? But it's extremely weak, barely even there.
I don't know how to get to her yet, but I'm not worried. When I need to, that answer will be given to me.
Either that, or she'll work her ass off trying to get to us first, haha. You know Laurie!

However, as far as I can tell, people can still reach me right now if they are outspacers-- i.e. non-natives of headspace. Ghosters and dreamers can get to me okay.
Genesis showed up first, around 1PM today, ghosting while I was at a sunlit library. He was visibly worn out and distressed, and asked if "I was even in there." I fed my response through the autopilot; it was all I could do.
Chaos showed up second, about two hours ago, thanks to this song unexpectedly coinciding with an 'unintentional' visit to this blog and completely shattering whatever walls were up around me. After a few quiet but heartfelt minutes together, we simply decided to enjoy the fact that neither of us were dead, and just relaxed on Aywas for a little while (Chaos caught on to how to play Tetris really quickly, unsurprisingly (he learns things fast); I was laughing because he was calling out moves faster than I could even comprehend what blocks I was looking at). It reminded me of the old casual days in high school. We both agreed that "those days" needed to start happening again, but with the five of us guys this time.
Mr. Sandman showed up about an hour later, calmly stating that this was "inexcusable" and that we needed to stop resets like this from happening again, before adding that he understood how to manage this, and had in fact been the one to "notify" Genesis earlier about the situation. He pointed out that this attempted "reset" had been flat-out negated in less than 12 hours after its inception, standing in stark contrast to the week-long void period after the scratch. Boss said that, apparently, whatever forces are looking out for us refuse to put up with such games either. We have a greater purpose, we have a mission to complete together, and no longer will outside or inside forces be allowed to pull such stunts on us.
Lastly, Rio and Markus just showed up about 30 minutes ago, flustered and concerned. So there's a full house, in a sense. This is interesting.

I'm happy though. I'm actually happy. It just hit me, and honestly I'm not afraid of anything. Whatever is going on now, I have total faith that it will be for our highest good. It always is. I'm just thankful I can consciously recognize that now, without any doubt or confusion.
I can say with confidence that, right now, I feel the most in-tune that I have in many, many weeks. I can feel emotions, I can express without mistranslation, and I can even front. Whatever was in my way before is gone, at least for now... and I hope it stays that way for a long, long time.

We're halfway through 2013, and suddenly it feels as if the entire game has just shifted in our favor.
Whatever happens, we'll get through it. I have utmost faith in us.



In a way, the sun has shone on me
Makes it easy to make it hard
Take an inch, take a yard, take it all
I don't need it at all

Any day, the sun could shine on you
Makes it silly to make it bad
Take it good, take it glad, take it all

Don't you know there's a stronger thing keeping us together
Don't you know there's a song to sing
Sing on, let the feeling take you high