020812

 

Today has been one of those days.
I was trying to explain my class troubles to my mother and she said "you should just go live in a monastery at this point, you can't handle the rest of the world."
Feeling distraught I replied "do you think that would help?"
"You're too naive, how would you expect to survive out there?"
I really can't wrap my mind around this.
Even better, my body keeps trying to shut down from stress, I don't even want to talk about last night in light of that... I haven't seen a therapist in almost two months, and whenever I say "I think I seriously need help" I'm told "we can't help you, just go back to the psych ward." That nightmarish ward nearly traumatized me, and the docs there specifically said that my concerns "weren't something that could be 'treated' in a ward." What do I do?
Short version: I'm feeling incompatible with reality again and it's more than a little unsettling.

I just keep telling myself to remember: the brightest lights are followed by the darkest shadows..