Now this is perfection.

 

Randomosity abounds.


Mum keeps calling about random stuff and she might buy me that one Starsailor album I've been looking for if she finds it... you know, the one with "Alcoholic" on it? And I keep having to run around the house and look stuff up for her when she calls, which is always fun.

Lightning ended up cutting the watermelon into 3-inch thick slices by accident (as the bread knife curves), which was awesome. We promptly dubbed it "watermelon cake" and proceeded to stuff ourselves with it, haha. I somehow downed two slices.

Then Viral came home and Diamond suggested we watch Digimon, which Viral vehemently agreed to and then jumped headfirst into a WoW conversation and now they're both ranting about MGS4 which is freaking sweet. I need to get into that series, that and Half-Life. I don't get time to game much.

I just wish there was an awesome 4-player Xbox 360 Sonic game where you could play as everyone from Ray to Mighty to Tiara to Big to Nack to Rouge to Marine to Chaos Zero to Shade and it had a SSBM-esque mode that was tons of fun and didn't get you frustrated and we'd all sit in the living room and play it for hours.

I still need to write more FFN tracks... every time I get an idea I'm far away from my laptop which is a pain. I need to start bringing a voice recorder with me everywhere I go so I won't forget this stuff.

Speaking of music, I've been dreaming of Jim a lot. I saw KoH in a dream about 2 weeks ago, but he was in a lot of pain... his claws were purple and razor-sharp but were all Edward Scissorhands-ish, and he declared through his tears that he would relinquish the entire Kingdom of Otherside to whoever could save him. I wish I knew what was happening so I could help...
But anyway Jim was in my dreams on Monday and Tuesday nights. On Monday I was actually in London Colney, I guess, because I met him while I was walking around outside and we just walked together for a while and talked about stuff. It was fantastic. Last night his family allegedly moved into a nearby town, about 10 minutes away from my house, and although I was actually at their house and saw Jim at the beginning of the dream, I spent the entire remainder of it wandering around a huge city with Diamond and Lightning looking for him.

I was thinking about my heartbox in class today... I had brought my dream journal with me to jot down memory notes and I stumbled across that entry. I didn't know it was late October when I met him! That's a while back. Anyway, I miss that box. He was awesome. Oh, by the way I went into a wake-dream with him during our 10-minute break... I finally gave him his batteries, and they made him glow deep red here and there. It was odd... after thanking me, the first thing he said was "so, would you like to try me out?" You remember, the heartbox was made specifically for those who could not feel certain emotions... empathy and altruism in particular... my two most cherished emotions, really. I wonder why he asked me that? Hm... I'll have to try him in a lucid dream sometime, I owe him that much (plus I have a technological/ metal obsession, haha. Really, I'm addicted to metal and water). By the way I asked him if he'd like me to name him, as I've just been calling him "heartbox." He said he'd never had a name and "heartbox" was just fine, but I could name him if I wanted. I might. I'll look up a lot of names and find one that fits him. Or maybe I'll stick with "heartbox"... I just like the feeling that gives.
I swear, though, that thing just radiates wisdom. I honestly think he is the 'ghost in the machine,' somehow. He just feels like it. Sentient technology, I suppose...

I'm obsessed with technology. I love logic. I love numbers. I like having formulas and equations that I can manually work out and plan with my own mind and hands to reach an exact answer.
I like that sort of work. Order and science and data and knowledge and wisdom. Intellectual work.
I want to learn programming. I want to understand numbers and physics. I want to be able to understand each and every brain-joke that they write into xkcd. I want to know these things.

And yet... I'm so addicted to chaos.

Chaos, even before I met the being with that name, has always been an integral and irreplaceable part of my life. It's a part of me. The butterfly effect... the glitch in the otherwise-perfect program. The variable.
I love my numbers and I like when things work out just so, but... when something screws up, especially for an unknown reason... when the schedule just goes out the window and time loses its meaning... when you look back on the history of the universe and look past the logic that permeates it all and see the pure inexplicable chaos... it just thrills me. I get a bizarre sort of mental high when I come across something that cannot be explained with our current knowledge and technology, when I find something that there is and may never be a definite answer for. Hence my addiction to philosophy as well as psychology. I like to explain things, to take things apart and see how they work... but at the same time, nothing scares and excites me more than when I can't.
I love it when I just can't explain something.

You know what ticks me off? I've had so many people accuse me of being a lesbian it's insane. I mean, I can see someone assuming I'm bisexual, but homosexual?
First non-savings money I can get (God only knows when that will be) I'm buying a boatload of AVEN stuff and wearing it on a daily basis. That'll teach them.
Honestly... it's hard to live as an (and I quote) asexual-antisexual polyamorous celibate nowadays, haha. Isn't it always?

You know, I just thought of something Jim said to me the other day... let me quote, because this really hit me hard--
"You've been the only thing sometimes that kept me getting up in the morning without wanting to fake another sick day. You mean a MASSIVE amount to me, and I know likewise."
I'm honestly speechless.

By the way-- my beloved muse, Selph, is celebrating his 3rd birthday in this reality on Friday, wahoo! Seems like forever, though. Seriously.
Oh well. May we have many more years together, darling. 'Maren and dreamer. That's one unbeatable team, huh?




I need more days like this.