the road ahead

To LAD and my brother Viral... This is absolute aching empathy.
God only knows how much pain I'm in right now.
I want to help. I desperately want to help.
And yet... there's not much I can do.
I don't know what to do.
In these situations... I can be there for you. I can stand by you, I can reassure you that I will always be here if you need me, no matter what. I can open my heart to you and give you someone to turn to when everyone turns away.
But I can't do anything if you don't let me.
I'm not forcing you, heavens no. I'm just letting you know, so you know.
If you need me I'm right here.
If not... I'll still be thinking of you.
Here's praying for the best.



As I've said countless times over the past few days...

...Language is so limited.

Why can't I just... I don't know, just let my soul shine and let everyone else feel this...?
Geez I have no idea. It's terribly frustrating.
There's so much I need to say.


Sometimes I can't help but laugh at how strange I am inside.

All this emotion...!

Love, pain, hope, fear, determination, despair, emptiness, gratitude, friendship, joy...

There are so many things that need to be said, so many things that simple words could never hope to express. So many things that must be felt to be understood.


Sometimes photography comes close.
It's amazing how you can simply point your camera at the world and suddenly capture everything you could never hope to speak.

All you deviants... whether or not I know you, whether or not you know me, whether or not you ever see this journal... thank you. Thank you so much.
Every one of you is an inspiration. Every single last one of you.
Whether young or old, professional or amateur, male or female, photographer or artist or writer or anything...
Thank you.


And yet... there is still so much left unsaid. So much left unexpressed.

What we have right now is definitely something unique.
There are never any coincidences. That has been proved to us time and time again.
Four hours and we still have so much to say...


Even so.
I wish I could just reach out-- reach out to all of you, no matter where you are, and just give you some of this hope... this compassion... whatever this is that I'm feeling.

Am I making a difference?
Am I really inspiring people?
It's such a shock to hear it... to realize that I'm actually accomplishing this.
If that's not a light in these hard times, I don't know what is.

I hope I'm a light to you too.



This is a dark, cruel, heartbreaking world we live in... but it's not all bad.
Sure, we'll have to suffer sometimes. Sure, we'll all feel hopeless once in a while... lonely... lost.
But then we have times when we're so happy to be alive...

We're all good people. All of us.
Don't forget that.
When the world gets at you... when you feel that there's nothing left...
Remember, there is always hope.

Even if you can't see it.

There is always something out there... someone out there that can turn everything around.

There's always virtue in spite of vice. Always light in spite of darkness.
Always love in spite of hate.

Life's absolutely beautiful sometimes.
And those moments are what make it worth living.
Those moments are what makes life worth defending.

Those moments are 'life.'


I'm going to keep fighting for them.
For everybody.

And nothing is going to stop me.