something to say

Silence.




Well, almost.

For a moment there, it truly was.

Deafening.

Crushing.

Heartbreaking.

Your final words, shattering something inside of me.

Then nothing.

Nothing at all.



I buried my face in my hands and I cried.





No, that's not very accurate...

...I was sobbing my freaking heart out.





I wish I didn't have to say so. I wish I didn't have to admit it, to spare you the anxiety, the worry.

But you did the same for me.

The least I could do is say it right back.



Riddle me this.



I honestly thought I had forgotten how to cry.

I was dead inside... and you realized that. I was empty, drained, lost.


It really hurt you that much?



...Even though I knew it would happen, it still surprises me. It still moves me.

You tell me so many times that I deserve this, that I deserve to be cared about and worried about.

I do the same for everyone else, after all.

But now... I'm actually starting to accept that.



We'll get out of this trap, this painful circle. I know we will.



There must be a solution somewhere,
but I'm starting to think that I can't find it.
That maybe I'm not the one that's supposed to solve it.



Don't think this is your fault. Don't think you're not helping.

It's cruelly simple, really... I have to find the strength to do this myself, too.

Sure you're helping. Sure I look up to you.

Without a doubt, I would never have gotten this far without you.

But...

Now I think I have to try and walk a little bit farther by myself.



Not that I'm chasing you away, of course not! I could never do that to you.

But here, in the interim...

I'm making an effort to fix this mess too.




I hope the pain has somewhat subsided for you.

It's funny how it never really goes away.



Even today.

Such a beautiful day.

There's still an awful ache in my heart.

Been there since Saturday night.




I had buried my face in my hands and sobbed until my strength was gone.

Swallowed alive by pain of the worst kind...

...But it could not kill this hope.




There's always hope. Always.

It's a good thing we haven't lost sight of it, ever!

Despite the stress and worry and pain there's always something to look forward to.




And then I look back.





Did I really tell you not to cry?

Did I really say that?

I guess it didn't sound the way I wanted.

You can cry if you need to. I know how it feels.

I have no right to forbid that... especially not under the circumstances.

It does hurt me terribly to know I'm giving you this same sort of pain, albeit unintentionally.



But then I quickly remember why you're even feeling this.

The pain comes right back... and yet I smile.

How could I not?

I have someone who cares about me.




The pain is mutual.

But so is something else.




I'm really going to try from now on... try and get myself in order.

I can't stand the fact that I'm worrying everyone.

I don't want to kill myself when there's so much I can do for this world yet.

No, I don't want to die at all... in any sense.

I have far too many reasons to live.

Which is truly a wonderful feeling.



So promise me you won't blame yourself.

There's no blame here, none at all.

Don't worry about me if you need to cry.

I feel I have to say that... I feel I have to reassure you that everything's all right over here.

But is it, truly?



Yes.



I have this.



As long as I have this to hold on to, no amount of stress, no amount of pain, no amount of worry or anxiety or loneliness can destroy me.

I'll make it through. I always have.

That's life, you know.

But life is full of beautiful things, too.

You can't forget that either.





I'm still feeling kind of funny... kind of lost...

The pain still hasn't subsided.

I don't mind this time around, though.



I'm not lost. I just forgot the directions, momentarily.

And even the good things in life hurt sometimes.

Life is indeed a funny little thing.





Spinning around in circles...

I think I'm slowing down.

I won't let that cannon turn back on me this time.

I've got to be careful, for everyone's sake!



And for my own, too.

As odd as that sounds right now.





There was a moment of silence before it was really true.

I held back a sob, just barely. Maybe you heard.



There was a single, silent moment before I was left alone in the dark.




Riddle me this, Anima...

...What is love?




A moment of shock, of surprise.



Something shattered

I couldn't hold the tears back any longer

And there was only one thought in my mind

As the pain tripled.





It's what we have.




Then the silence fell


And I cried.