a prayer for healing of mind

[prismaticbleed]

 

Father God, You want us to ask You for help in our battles & struggles. Jesus told us to ask for "whatever is in accordance with the Gospel"-- for the things that will help us love & obey You better, to serve Your people, to be Your servants of mercy & soldiers of righteousness in this dark world.
...But I'm so afraid, Lord. I'm so afraid of people, and of myself. I cannot do Your Will with these awful terrors raging in me. I'm blinded by desperate rage, crippled by panic & loathing. It's literally hell, and I want to get out. I need to.
So, Lord, that's all I know how to ask. Help me to get out of hell. I don't know how to do it. You do. Whatever it takes, please, help me. Help me to forgive all the grudges I don't even realize I'm keeping. Help me to soften my heart so that softness in others doesn't disgust me. What a horrible confession! But I'm laying it all out before You, because I know You CAN fix me; You CAN restore my soul to light but You need ALL the diseased parts laid bare first. So cut me open with Your grace. Show me where the cancer is and then remove it, I beg You. Teach me to love. Teach me to see goodness in all things. Teach me mercy & compassion. Teach me not to judge. Give me the courage & hope & faith in You that I need even just to step outside my door. Help me, please, to cherish Your people, as You do. I don't want to "care in concept." I don't want my "good deeds" to be superficial and performative. I don't want to be friendly & social just for the sake of appearances & obligation. No. I want to CARE. I want a tender heart. I want to cheer people up & remind them of the sunshine & rainbows despite every storm cloud, & I also want to help them to treasure the rain. I want to be a good friend, a REAL friend, helping wishes come true & working to give the best of luck. I want to love people, a lot. You get the idea. I want to be like Jesus, as much as Your Grace will enable & allow me to. I want to bring Jesus TO people, through my life, because what good is my existence otherwise?
Lord I need help. I implore You, on my knees and in tears, forgive my foolish emotional sins. Forgive my red-tinged ranting from the pain. Forgive my acerbic outbursts. Forgive me, please, but even moreso than that-- yes, moreso!!-- help ME to forgive. I cannot do so on my own. Open my heart. Move my spirit to sincere affection. Let me see with Your Eyes. Teach me to love. Then, only then, can I honestly be forgiven. Have mercy on me, O Lord. Help me to show that same mercy to others, the EXACT SAME, radical & total & sincere.
...I'm depending on You, Lord. Please help me, quickly. I will die without Your healing touch. I will rot & burn to death inside. Come to my aid and rescue my soul from the pit! I want to be filled with Your Light. I want to shine it for others, for Your glory. Jesus help me to be like You, and to choose love no matter what. Amen.