nov 25 2015

[prismaticbleed]

 

things that really hurt:

people referring to your transition as "ruining you"


for the first time in my life i'm happy with how i sound
but no
"what's wrong with your voice"
"your voice is ruined"

finally getting facial hair, face shape changing subtly,
"you look terrible"
"you used to be so pretty"


god these little things hurt more than anything as far as this is concerned.

i'm sorry.

 

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@1:04PM

 

Is it possible to fall head over heels in love for a character, as friends? Or something?

"In love" isn't quite right, not by itself. It's not romantic. It's not sensual.
But it's love, straight up. "Affection" is too cotton pink, it's not as potent as this.


I love Mettaton, he's precious. And I love Undyne, she's amazing.
It's different for them both, understandably.
...

Jewel keeps calling Undyne her sister, which is sweet but also surprising. I see her more as a platonic girlfriend if that makes sense? I still want to kiss her face but I don't want to date her, no.
And Jewel likes Mettaton in the sense of "he's a cool dude," but I'm, I don't know. I'm like this. And I'm getting scared because I don't want anything trying to confuse this, and hurt him, or me, or anyone else.
Outspacer links are fragile and important and need to be protected at all costs.


This is why I don't think I'm going to go looking for fanart of them, at least, not any more. I'm a little afraid to step into the fandom, especially on Tumblr. That website is utterly toxic, especially with the amount of perverted things allowed to be freely distributed.
I do not like how Mettaton is already being hypersexualized, because he's flamboyant. Just because his personality is meant to entertain, to appeal to an audience and have fun, does not mean that he's doing it for seductive purposes. You see this frequently with gay men in the physical life, how the instant they start acting 'feminine' in some way, they are sexualized. (Same goes for women in general, obviously.) And that common assumption bothers me greatly.
You all know me. I can be just as 'flirty' and extravagant as Mettaton if I feel like it. In fact that's part of why I love his character-- because he's shamelessly so WITHOUT being 'shameless,' if you get what I mean. He's just having such a good time with what he does, it's contagious, it's such fun. And I love that.
There is NOTHING 'inappropriate' about anything he does, which is why I dislike when he is portrayed that way. I know what that's like.

I love him so much. It's weird to say that, but it's true. I haven't... it's been a long time since anything like this happened. Since I fell in love with anyone, in any way. But here we are, I guess.


I'm sorry. I just don't ever want hackers touching these people and if I have to avoid the fandom as much as possible, so be it. I just wish it didn't have to be that way, but I suppose everyone is 'entitled to their opinion and free expression' even if that might frighten or offend someone else. I'm too tired to even think of arguing that, honestly I want nothing to do with it. My only rule is= act with respect, honor, integrity, and compassion. Do that, and the details don't matter.



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