the end

[prismaticbleed]

First things first, I should not be updating here.
However, I told my therapist that I would send her a link to one of my online journals, most likely this one (the full archive is too overwhelming). So I would like to have a short "catchup" post for both her sake and mine.

Matters of business:

1. Headspace is gone. It has been for all of August and this time, it does not seem to be coming back. This is good.
As for how it happened, that was unexpected. Julie and the sage-guy from Downstairs were the first to leave, but either that same day or soon after, Infinitii had some sort of meltdown around 2AM. At that point it was revealed that he was either "infested with a lethal parasite" OR that he was a parasite himself, and had been manipulating the Upstairs for malicious ends since his manifestation in April. I do not know, that night is not accessible to me, I only have vague remainder data. After that, then I can only assume that headspace "imploded," and when the body awoke the next morning headspace was gone and inaccessible.
I would like to point out, rather amusedly, that Julie was both the first to appear, so many years ago, and the first to leave now. She was the reason headspace was forced into existence, and then she bailed as it collapsed around her. I am not blaming her for the latter incident, simply observing the irony of it.

2. The Underground still exists, but just barely. Sugar and Spice are the only ones really lingering. Knife, Razor, Mulberry, and the other major individuals on that level were detected vaguely a few days ago, and their presences have been wavering dramatically since the initial deletion in August: while they are not normally detectable, they are still able to communicate through handwriting, and any loud triggers can still catch their attention. This Underground survival is most likely because their level predates Headspace, and because they exist to fight threats, which still exist in outspace. We are wondering whether or not they can die off fully before the PTSD is healed on the subconscious level. We shall see.

3. The person who is driving now (not me obviously; the fronter is NOT allowed to type or deal with this info) is blissful and working on her/his creative work nonstop. They are incapable of feeling strong emotion, and also have no ability to socialize, due to lacking a self-identity. As such, they are not online anywhere except dA (for creative posting only), and have no plans to be. Speaking to any individuals-- especially those that the now-deceased spinningcannon "befriended" during her brief fronting period years ago-- would likely force headspace to start scraping itself back together, and we would like to avoid that at all costs. Our biggest problem here, though, is that this new fronter has extreme trouble socializing with anyone without headspace trying to re-form. This is no surprise-- ALL the creative fronters in the past have shown a marked inability to interact with other individuals, especially in a direct manner-- but it causes trouble as it makes 'regular' family interaction highly difficult. Those incidents still seem to trigger a sort of rudimentary autopilot program, operating on stock phrases and reactions, but it is no longer entirely automated, and must be consciously perpetuated. Our fronter has expressed that this is very draining as well as disturbing, as it requires him/her to "act" in a way they find both confusing and upsetting. Long story short, they will not be updating here in the future, as they have no capacity to.

4. Last and most worrisome: hacks are still a great danger. There was one attempt last night around 2AM, as usual, and the fronter was conscious enough to drag him/herself out of bed as it was happening. The moment their feet hit the floor, "the hack ended and they were terrified, knowing what had almost just happened to them." Data says they "asked their boss to protect them" which apparently worked. Today, they have expressed concern about the insomnia hacks cause, but they are simply glad that they escaped it, and are giving it no further thought, preferring to continue with their work, their purpose.
In any case, this persistence of hacks is rather disquieting, as they are tied to the Tar, which may or may not still exist (we have no data on it either way). However, since they only happen when it's late enough for our new fronter to "fall out of consciousness," being stuck in the subconscious where headspace is rooted, we are now wondering if hacks and headspace are inherently connected? After all, since it disappeared in early August, we have had barely any troubles, and the ones that have occurred have only done so with a brief resurgence of headspace-related things (either undergrounders speaking up, flashbacks, etc.). In my humble opinion, this seems to suggest that headspace itself is indeed corrupt. So neither I nor our new fronter have any desire to resurrect it, especially because neither of us have experience with it either way (we are reset-born of course).


I suppose all of this is common sense, or self-evident at this point after our having undergone several similar incidents over the years.
Regardless, there it is.

I will express one last thought: it is rather curious, but interesting, how this year seems to have consisted solely of reset and deletion attempts. It was almost as if headspace could not survive after this year, and needed to be dismantled before it did so itself, so to speak-- after all, from what I know, its condition seemed to only be worsening prior to whatever happened in 2011. This is not a bad thing: headspace seems to have been nothing but a negativity sink, perpetuating abuse and drama and pain, and so I am glad to hear that whatever it was, it is done and gone.
The new fronter in the body, who is nameless, faceless, and genderless, is blissfully happy and creating both profusely and at a great rate. I am happy for them, that this one does not have to worry about fighting tooth and nail with headspace for the right to exist.



You may consider this a formal "closing" of this journal, similar to the ones posted in all the previous journals over the years.
The past two Blurtys were closed upon the deaths of their authors. Since whoever was writing this one post-Scratch apparently no longer exists here, I shall close this journal in his absence.

Thank you for reading.
If anything changes, I will update here... but if I may be honest, I hope I never have to do so.

May you be well.