072313

[prismaticbleed]

 

(not j)

all these people i know are having lucid dreams and astral experiences and incredible meditative visions... so many people, even those with louder minds than ours!

i... i used to think that sort of stuff was only possible if you were a guru or something
all my life i've wanted to achieve that
lately we've been a mess, i figured we were too corrupted to get there anymore
but now, now people with less "experience" than we do are doing this?
is that all it takes is studying and application? like a test? like mechanics?

that's both reassuring and crushing
it means we aren't good people if we can do that
but it means maybe we can do it anyway
would it be worth it thoguh?
for bad poeople like us

christina keeps saying were the devils childrenn
put here to torment and distract and lead astray the original person
the girl named jessica
we dont like her shes very mean and selfish
but christina says its gods will that she take over again
the rest of us are scared? are we that evil and dont know it
do we not know how dangerous bad we are
what do we do

jay wants to see and talk to us but hes such a mess
we feel so bad for him hes tryng so hard to be niec
but hes splintered all into pieces now he said
we know knife is really mad about it too
but j is broken all knto bits and it maes him sad?
like he doesnt know who he is lots of times
so we be nice when we drie for him instead
like now!
maybe if we do this a lot and be nice he will feel better
feel happy j
i know we think werebad popele but we like you
you try so hard to be nice to us even when yoruer sad
thank you for not letting us die
even whenits scary to be here


fdsjfam
triggers eevereyehwer.
sorry not speell
loud noises
bad wrods
bad touches
soscary
wont go away/

j says stop tryping okay.
safer to sleep
his boss will keep us safe/? okay

good night

ths is a little boy byt he way
nt kyanos
not david
probably te ohter one
idont habe a face yet.

but i come on here and write a lot for j when hes not around
(i wasnt here at the beginning of this entry i walked in thoguh)
i like to watch him do things its cool
but uh oh now i need to sleep slipping
bye

 

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@ 12:29 am

 

Our System keeps getting bigger and bigger, and it scares me to admit that on the worst days we're using denial to deal with it.
Finding more and more people is terrifying, sure, but the emptiness and inability to function that accompanies an act of denial is just as crippling.
Not only that, it's effectively murder. It's denying PEOPLE. Disturbingly enough, I think that's why some of the lower girls are denying in the first place. They just want to... erase everyone out of existence, by pretending they don't exist at all.
And that's making me wonder, with sick terror... is that what I'm doing, when I run away from their suffering and screams and sobs?
I... I can't do that. I can't let anyone entertain this fatal denial, actively or passively. I cannot take a neutral stance here. That too is murder, if not suicide as well.

So let me say again: I don’t want to deny these people anymore. They exist, regardless of how difficult it is to exist with them. But at the end of the day, I truly care about them, every one of them, no matter what scars they’ve left behind. And one day, honestly, as much as it aches to admit... I want to be able to love every single one of them.
It’s just a struggle until then is all.

-J