061313

[prismaticbleed]

(this is j!!)

I'm so sorry for updating this late, but I'm caught between laughing and crying, and I have to write this down even if it is only for a moment.

I'm reviewing old logs here to try and remember what we've lost, and I'm listening to this, and that must be some sort of magic formula because whoosh, suddenly I'm feeling things and I miss everyone.
I love everyone, and I miss everyone, but I can't reach anyone.
It feels as if I'm not supposed to. Not yet, at least. I hope so. It's strange, to be this empty and alone.
I'm content, though. I'm the one that thinks happy thoughts, haha. Few other people do. There's a lot of panic and fear and pain up here, which I understand, but beneath it all I can see the lights. That's what I'm here to be, a light for those stumbling about in the darkness of the past. I just hope I can be bright enough! But I have no doubt in that.

Jewel and I are starting to work on Dream World again together, which needs a new title. I'm doing typecode work (at least, the more logical part of me is), and she is doing the art. We can't find the idea brainstormer yet, but we're trying on our own nonetheless.
It's strange, that we've become so finely splintered over the years. I can't help but wonder why.
Although, I'm not the one who's good at wondering like that! I'm too content, too happy, to fuss over details of that sort. Let's deal with the present, I say. Let's deal with what we're feeling right now. Let's calm down the heartbroken voices and soothe their rage, that's what I say. If we can do that, maybe we don't need to worry about the past at all.
We'll see. I'm not claiming I know it all. I'm just a poet, just a prism boy. I scatter rainbows around up here, but that's just one job in the big ol' System we have going on, you know?

AP (or whoever that was; didn't feel like AP, but maybe ze has fractures too?) said there were 43 people up here besides me. I'm sure there are, but I have this nagging feeling that there are more. I will need to make a list! I like lists, they're fun. Hence why I'm on typecode duty, haha. Jewel isn't good at that sort of thing, she's too busy doodling in the margins. Which is good!
Note to self, by the way: talk to Preludove, if you can. I'd need to do so in a dreamstate but she did offer to help, so it is worth a try! I think Jewel and I are the only ones who can contact her though, but since I don't get to front very often and Jewel doesn't like to enter headspace, ever, we haven't attempted to do so yet. I'm not sure it's the right time either. But keep it in mind!

Anyway, it's late, and I need sleep (we all do). I don't want to upset anyone by staying up any longer either, so I will be calling it quits for the night.

It was nice being able to talk to you all again! Hopefully we'll have some better news soon. I'm sure everything will work out.

 
 

-----------------------------------------


@ 12:22 pm

 

The grandmother needs to realize that some alters don't understand sarcasm. She approached us after finding blood on our bedsheets, and said:

"So where'd you cut yourself now? Go on, keep it up; you'll get blood poisoning and die!"

To which Razor and her underground allies only grinned and exchanged devious glances.

It's going to be a long month if this keeps up...

 

----------------------------------------


@ 01:14 pm


Dream notes for this morning:

(college inside old elementary school; people kept saying i was from poland, so i was talking with a really strange european accent. i remember there was a class in the church basement, the teacher called me out on something, i think i was in trouble?

later on in dream, driving down some road with family, top of hill-- could see city below. resembled intersection by green bridge in avc regardless. i was in the back seat, looking at a paper i had drawn, covered in chest-up sketches of some woman.
she had long black hair, but it was silky and piled like a disney character. i think she had blue eyes? otherwise all i know is that she was wearing a simple spaghetti strap dress (black?) and, oddly, a necklace with a large pendant of jessica rabbit on it.
as i looked at this paper, i became aware that this woman was a HEADVOICE of some sort, and that she was "the one that had tried to get rid of the rest of us" (assumedly the one from june 1st??). That realization freaked me out because it meant that this cartoonish-looking woman was potentially the most dangerous person upstairs. I think I put the paper aside after that, but I know I woke up shortly after regardless.