050211

[prismaticbleed]

I am so, so terribly sick of being an 'individual.'

Post-death reintegration is sounding better and better as the days burn on.

Now that I've learned that I am a fragment, like the rest of us, this meat cage is becoming steadily more devastating.

But I cannot kill it or it would kill all of us, good and bad.

I still do not think that sacrifice would be worth it, considering what I feel we need to accomplish before death.

If it were an option, though...



I need to commit egocide.

I need to become a mental assassin, and soon.

Laurie cannot do this for me. I wish she could. But she cannot.

I hate using the word 'I.'

Should I write in third person from now on? Perhaps. The style would change entirely though.

And I cannot step away from the steering wheel.

If I relinquish control, even through simply detaching entirely from this shell, it takes over.

I understand her plan now. Oh do I understand it. I know what she wants now.

I will never, ever let her succeed.

But the victories are few. I have too many battle scars, too many traumas.

This is not political. This is not revenge.

No, this is the extermination of an inherent destructive force with naught but selfish gratification in mind.

She would tear a man limb from limb if it would accomplish her whims.

I will no longer stand by and let this vessel be mercilessly mutilated.

It is the only means of physical interaction we have.

I don't know how many we're up against. I know there are at least two.

There used to be so many more. Perhaps they are still in the shadows.

We are six strong.

With any luck we may become seven due to the current unfortunate circumstances.

But that is not the point.


My final statement, and my driving goal,

is to completely detach from this state,

and free us all from this dark tyranny.



We have a long way to go.