prismaticbleed | All this dust is driving me mad (Reply)

Honestly, I'm tired of being in this closet.

My family doesn't know that I'm an asexual-antisexual neutrois celibate with a pain addiction and an attraction to biologically sexless humanoids, haha. I need to let them know about the first four points somehow.

I guess they'll get a nasty shock when my AVEN merch and chest binders come in the mail one day. What a thought! I really do need to buy them, though.
Oh, and by the way. Once I get my Wacom, I'm going to make some neutrois stuff for CafePress. They need it.

In other news, I was a total bastard today and started eating ice cream again.
I mean, seriously. What the hell. I'm not a girl, why the fish am I eating ice cream when I'm upset and angry?
It's the sugar, you say.
Darn straight it's the sugar, and I'll tell you why.
Sugar makes me deathly sick. I eat the junk with that clear in my mind. It's a perverted form of self-abuse.
Do you get it now?
I'm such a fool.

Well, the day of reckoning is only... two and a half hours away. I'm not very happy.
I came out of the closet with that in a sense today. Twice!
First, I didn't talk to Q when he called.
Sure, I got called a selfish brute and a son-of-a-b*tch and an ignorant idiot, but I'm sorry, I was only being true to myself.
I swear, if he said 'I love you' before he hung up again, I was all too ready to reply, "it better damn well be platonic."
Secondly, I told my grandmother that. Seriously.
She was all upset because I wouldn't talk to him, and I told her it was because he wants me to be his girlfriend and I do not want him to be my boyfriend. I don't ever want a boyfriend, and I told my grandmother that.
Yes, that's why I'm so ticked off about this whole thing. I don't want him coming over here with that thought in his mind.
I hope I don't lose him as a friend because of this whole mess.

That is why I will probably never tell Jim that I do love him, albeit platonically.
I don't want to ruin our friendship. Ever.

Hm.
One day, mom is going to find out that I'm madly in love with a blue energy-based alien. It's bound to happen.
I hope she doesn't ostracize me for it, and I hope she knows that I'm an asexual-antisexual neutrois celibate first! Gosh!
I wonder if she thinks I'm a lesbian. Dear Lord, I hope she doesn't. Make sure she doesn't.

I don't like any gender. Neutrois, y'know. That's why I like Chaos Zero and Selph so much, of course.

How many times have I had that conversation with you guys already? Geez.
I guess I just want to be sure that I'm getting my point across loud and clear. I can't afford to forget something.

That's another thing I'm sick of-- starting so many sentences with "I." It looks horribly selfish, all those first-person pronouns right out front... I, I, I, me, me, me. Gosh. Sick of it.

One day I'm going to write a whole entry without starting a sentence with 'I.' Seriously!

Until then, though, I'm going to get some sleep. I feel horrendously sick (my own stupid fault again) and I want to be up early and exercising to get my mind off the awful situation I'm going to be stuck in tomorrow.
Would you believe my mom wants to take us OUT with Viral and his girlfriend??
I'd say yes if those two weren't such freaking lovebirds! It literally makes me sick to watch them, and I don't know what the hell is going to go through Q's mind if he sees them. Ehhh. I don't want to think about it.

You know, if SEGA ever gives Chaos Zero a voice actor, I need to make sure that guy gets my phone number and calls me up once in a while to talk about stuff. Oh that would make me the happiest person on the planet. Yes it would.

Anyway. Until next time, kids!

I am bottled, fizzy water, and you are shaking me up
You are a fingernail, running down the chalkboard
I thought I left in third grade
Now my only consolation is that this could not last forever
Even though you're singing and thinking
How well you've got it made

Who are you?
When will you be through?

Yeah, it's just a phase... It will be over soon
Yeah, it's just a phase
Yeah, it's just a phase

Yeah, it's just a phase... it will be over soon
Yeah, it's just a phase, and I'm waiting for it to be over too