prismaticbleed | Life can be funny sometimes... (Reply)

Using my sad icon because there's a lingering mood.
But of course, I'm an eternal optimist so it's not all bad. Hence my little Zim! He's so cute. *hugs him* Aww.

Anyway!
I just categorized all my icons so if you want to take a look, just click on the default Selph one to the far right up there. I had fun.

But back on topic.
Today was... very strange.I should've known something was going to go wrong when I woke up at 5:45. That is late for me. On a typical school day I'm up between 5 and 5:15 AM.
So yes. I hurried up and got ready to catch the 6:30 bus, when all of a sudden my grandmother comes in from the kitchen--
"Go back to bed. School's closed."

Darn that ice storm.

Seriously. I do not like days off, not one bit. How so, you ask?
Well.
First off, I'm a schedule/work/business addict. Which means if I don't have a fixed schedule, if I don't have a list of work that needs to get done here and now, if I don't have deadlines, if I don't have an overall busy mood and things I have to do no questions asked--- I go crazy.
That's what happened today.

I didn't want to go back to bed. I wanted to stay up, watch some Invader Zim while I walked for about an hour, then sit down and draw like a maniac before anyone else got up.
But she wanted me to get some sleep.
So I did.

Oh boy.
I woke up at 10:30.
Immediately I freaked out. Four hours gone! (I did get an awesome dream, but that's beside the point.)
The first thing I did was grab a quick lunch and sit down to do my lab report for school. Trying to get ready and do homework while everybody else was as well (my three brothers woke up at the same time I did) was quite difficult, though, and by the time I finished it was nearly 1PM.
Yeah.
I had to leave for work by 3:30.

Needless to say, I was flipping out.
No schedule. No set order in which to work. Plus, everybody else was running around the house trying to do things at the same time.
I won't go into detail, but I was so fishing nervous and anxious I was in tears.
When I don't have things to keep my mind working... whether they be school, music, art or whatever (none of which I had access to today)... I begin to worry like a maniac. I worry until I'm literally sick.
So... thank God I got to escape to the five hours of freedom that was work. Raise your eyebrows if you will, but that's how my mind works. Sorry.

But yes. Life is good once again. Which is nice.

Speaking of... I've realized that, whenever I suffer through a heartbreaking, frustrating, or similarly depressing time... something equally positive will happen to me. It never fails.
This afternoon balanced out this morning perfectly.

I'm still waiting for my two week's compensation, though. But I have no doubt it'll come.
I'll just be patient until then.

And now for a slight subject switch.

Most people I know offline... say my house is poisonous. Yes.
Too much fighting. Too much arguing. Too much anger. Too much hate.
Not enough togetherness. Not enough joy. Not enough peace. Not enough...
It's eating me alive.
The only people keeping me from breaking down dead are all you guys on dA, Selph, Chaos Zero, Zim, Johnny C., and everyone else in my head. That's quite a bit.

It's lovely, really. I have so many people helping me through it's absolutely amazing.
But it still hurts.
It still hurts, and I don't know what to do about it already...
Sure, I have people who care about me. I have people who think about me... people who love me.
I have so many reasons to live. To keep on trying, to keep on pulling through.

But...I wish there was a little less pain.