schism

[prismaticbleed]

You have got to be kidding me.

That is what I've been losing sleep over?
THAT is what I've been forcing myself to emulate?

Dear God, how blind AM I? Why did it take this, THIS, to get the message across??

Ten minutes and my mind cauterized itself. Ten minutes and I was left with a burning haze behind my eyes and a shaky sort of horror infecting my memories.
I woke up from the first traumatic nightmare I've had in months and I didn't realize it was actually a WARNING.

Then the last shards of my naive credence were shattered outright.
It took a complete and horrific devastation for me to finally realize, with frightful clarity, that I was right after all.

I can't do this anymore. I cannot do this anymore, and I am sorry, but I refuse to put myself in that position ever again.

Just... bloody hell. I'm in shock. I'm reeling. My mind is full of static and I'm having trouble typing.
I was tearing myself to pieces over THIS???


No, I'm not angry. I'm not angry at all.
I'm terrified, and shaken, and disturbingly sick.

God forgive me for being so completely, idiotically, catastrophically blind.

But now I know. Now I know for sure, without a shadow of a doubt, what was on the other side this whole time.
Pardon my language, Laurie, but how the hell did I ever get so fatally confused?! This cost us in BLOOD!!

Laurie was right all along. Chaos was right all along. I could cry over how right they were, and are.
I still doubted. I always doubted. I was too hopeful, too candid, to see what hid beneath the surface. I was too damned innocent.
But now the truth is out.
I am so sorry.


My head hurts and I don't feel well at all.
I don't even remember the details. A few fragments, here and there, is all that's left. That's bad enough.
My mind is still frantically clawing at those even now.
I am so sick, looking at these scars. How did that happen? How did I never...


I think I need to sleep.