prismaticbleed | i never needed a chandelier (Reply)

Fleur was right,
Laurie was right,
I've been forcing myself to be blind,
Julie won't give up,
I won't give up,
I shouldn't have forgotten about the heartbox,

There is far too much to talk about right now.

My blood runs through ice and fire. This cold, this white, is a part of me.

Why do I let people shut me off?
Why was I so afraid to acknowledge what I knew?
Why do I let people pressure me into following them?
Why do I never see the truth until I'm out of the situation?
I used to hold lightning in my hands. What happened?

There is far too much to type and it's late.

I've been letting myself be emotionally manipulated.
My sight is only clear when I disconnect.
All the things that are true,
the things that bring light,
the things that keep me clear,
you condemn as wrong.

I was right all along
and I was too afraid to realize it
because I felt I had no authority to say so
despite this being my life
my only life,
my only soul.

I let everyone else write the script for me
simply because they tore the pen out of my hand
and lied.

There is far too much to admit and elaborate upon.

It's time to take a match to the old words
time to delete the old codes
time to cut the strings that strangle me.

It's time to conquer fear and doubt and dark.
It's time to uncover the pathways I left behind.
It's time to chase the sunbeams I could no longer see
because I was too afraid to look down anymore.

I need to go back.
Not in terms of progress
but in terms of living.

I can see now. I can feel now.
Something happened,

I left,
I flew,
I stood up and I spoke,

and something was relit.

There is far too much at stake for me to run anymore.

I understand now.

All of the windows had been fogged up
frosted over
broken

I was left wandering the halls
pretending that artificial light was all I needed

but then something happened.

the glass fell
the light went out

and I realized
that there had been another one shining all along.

there is far too much
but that is only what i have heard
and it is a beautiful excess
immaterial and bright
filtering through the dust
and landing at my feet.

it is more than i thought my heart could hold

where have you been
where have you been
we missed you
we thought we had lost you

it hasn't been the same
it can never be the same

but it can be better
and no other hands can fit mine
like yours do.

open your eyes
what have you seen
where have you been
there is still time
there is still time

come home.

I can see outside again.

And it looks the same as I remember.