112823

 
DOUBLE MASS MORNING
Literally prayed for a "small miracle" to get to SHJ on time. Despite traffic & lights, kept surrendering to God's will & direction, and repeating my prayer request with hope.
I kid you not the priest rang the bells the MOMENT I OPENED THE DOOR.

QOTA Mass for Adoration! Man it's been MONTHS. I missed being there.
Father S was an absolute sweetheart as usual and he unexpectedly gave me a BOX of extra Thanksgiving food for mom. God bless him, he always goes out of his way to be kind to us. I honestly should get him a Christmas card. Get in the habit of doing acts of kindness & gratitude like that!

SNOW!!!!!! ❄🤍💙❄🤍💙❄

Walmart stop to check frypans. EVERYTHING IS TOXIC OR HUGE. WTF.
Can't buy the cast-iron because they're pre-seasoned with SOY OIL, good job broski. And there were only 2 little ceramic pans that weren't coated with chemicals: but the one had a "speckle" color that looked filthy & would be impossible to clean, and the other was copper, a color which gives us instant panic reactions. So no dice. But now we know!

Home for 11, I think? It's a blur. We prayed & vacuumed.

Evening =
Liquid funk bike
Exercise high??? Could NOT come down
Eating made Brain a whirlwind of nonstop manic noise. Couldn't think straight, no current memory access, hard to pray. STUCK IN PAST MODE???

Missing the Outspacers, "where's Phlegmoni?"
Realizing that with the hyperreligious schedule we don't spend time with people anymore.

Wanting to type SO BADLY, heart overflowing, but couldn't. "Must say all night prayers instead." Is that right? Is it allowed to type ABOUT God "as prayer" instead of talking AT Him?
It feels like I'm not allowed to do anything but recite prayer cards & rosaries. Is it a sin to want to write, to read, to sing, to love others, "instead"?

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

VOTD= 2 Corinthians 9:7 for Giving Tuesday!
"Loving God takes action, and not just any action-- a cheerful action! God loves a cheerful giver-- not a giver who gives out of compulsion or obligation, but one who gives because they love God and the people God loves. When you're led by a love for God, you'll start to see lots of opportunities to spread that love through cheerful generosity. Do not wait to give to others in need."
"We tend to give our time, money, and energy to the things that we love the most... Look at the way you spend or invest your money, and how this reflects what you love. No matter what your income looks like, do your finances reflect the sort of cheerful generosity the Scriptures talk about? If not, what do you need to change today to make giving a priority in your life?"
1) I did not know the context of this verse historically, which is that this is a "letter of correction"-- because the Corinthians had promised to take up a financial collection for the struggling church in Jerusalem, but they still hadn't sent any aid... A YEAR LATER. This is a chastisement for all of us that, when we have an opportunity to do good, however small, we MUST ACT ON IT NOW. Do not hesitate or put it off. People NEED YOUR HELP RIGHT NOW, and every little bit matters. Trust me, I've been on the receiving end many times. Even one dollar is a priceless gift to someone who is struggling, and time is of the essence. When you can give, GIVE.
2) ...but CHECK YOUR HEART even so!! That opening distinction STRUCK me. Yes, love always requires action, but it "must be CHEERFUL." And that is true. If the "action" of your love is begrudging or morose or frustrated, then it's not actually from love.
3) An always relevant reminder that we love other people because GOD LOVES THEM. It's not out of compulsion, like "I love God, so I have to love people too." We have some corrupt thriskefoni who DO think like that, like loving human beings is "an interruption" or a "distraction" from their loving God. They don't seem to understand that God loves those human beings. Can you imagine, telling God, "I DON'T want to love those people that You CREATED and DIED for"??? Because THAT'S what you're saying when you refuse to show compassion to your fellow man!! God loves EVERYONE, no exceptions, and so we must do the same, BECAUSE we love God and when you love someone, you love what they love too. Their priorities and joys and interests become yours, through that selflessly serving love. It's never "forced," when it's real love; it only flows, freely and generously, into everything.
4) Love must LEAD us, and only then we will be ABLE TO SEE its paths open up before us.
5) We give to what we love. How simply true, and yet how crushingly convicting.
And THIS IS WHY OUR MOTIVES MUST BE PURE!!! Because if we don't love the people we're giving to, but we love ourself and our reputation, then we will give to them ONLY BECAUSE IT MAKES US LOOK GOOD. and GOD DOES NOT LIKE THAT.
...
6) Our financial spending REFLECTS OUR LOVE, and therefore our priorities. It's so easy to separate the two terms, but really, they go together, and to realize that is shocking-- especially because we never want to associate money with love! But money is just a focused form of power, even an enabler of dignity. When you give money, you give someone the ability to purchase what they may otherwise be utterly deprived of-- including food, clothes, water, and housing. You sacrifice some of your own ability to provide for yourself, in order for someone else's life to be provided for. THAT'S LOVE!!
...
7) Giving must be a priority in our life. No exceptions. It is our duty as Christians, a duty born of Love, perfectly embodied in Christ. HIS Life was ALL about giving! If we bear His Name, if we are truly Members of His Body, then we MUST give as much as He did-- we must give our very lives, in every moment, out of pure love.
8) A closing remark: we fear to give because we fear lack. We fear loss and powerlessness and deprivation. But really, dude, where is your faith? Do you not trust that God will provide, He Who gave you ALL your resources to begin with, and Who COMMANDS you to use them for His Glory in all circumstances? And where is your compassion, your mercy, to prioritize your own comfort when your neighbor is hungry and cold and lonely? Doesn't your heart break at the very thought? Don't smother that ache, don't bury it in despair or fear or exhaustion! You can ALWAYS give something. Give a dollar. Give a kind word and smile. Give a prayer. But GIVE, because you love. Keep it flowing!


The written reflection =
"When we are reluctant to give, we miss out on the chance to bless others. Disobedience can harden our hearts toward others. We can hold on to what we have because we think we know best.
Instead, when you give with urgency, [God] will bless you “so that you can be generous on every occasion, and... your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God” (2 Corinthians 9:11)... God will always provide you with the means to be generous— with your time, energy, and money. And because God does not wait to provide for us, we shouldn't wait to provide for others.
Today, look for opportunities to give with a cheerful spirit, showing generosity as you share the good gifts God has given you— and when you see one, don't wait to act!"
1) Blessings & graces are never a one-way street. They don't stop at your door! They are given to BE given, and they grow in the process-- you will only lose them by clinging to them.
2) The striking use of the word "DISOBEDIENCE" in this context: it implies that our reluctance IS disobedience to God!!
3) DISOBEDIENCE HARDENS THE HEART. I emphasize this because that is a fact in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, not just in refusing to give.
4) "We think we know best," and THAT motivates our disobedience. It's original sin all over again, you realize. It's pride. It's satanic in its subtlety. But listen, if God tells you to do something, especially in Scripture where you cannot doubt it as "just your own thoughts"-- then YOU DO WHAT HE SAYS, WITHOUT QUESTION, because GOD ALONE "KNOWS BEST."
5) Obey with urgency. This outraces the devil. If you make up your mind to do what God tells you to do the instant you get the order, then that leaves no time for devilish tricks of doubt or hesitation or excuses. Set your heart on giving, and then do it immediately, as soon as the opportunity opens up.
6) Your generosity GLORIFIES GOD, by giving others the opportunity to feel gratitude and praise HIS generosity THROUGH YOU.
Likewise, we ourselves both thank & honor God by being generous with what we have received. But this shouldn't just be a solitary action-- "generosity" must be a DISPOSITION of our life!!
7) God WANTS you to be able to give, so you can trust that He WILL give you MANY opportunities to do so... as well as the MEANS. These WILL occur TOGETHER. Do NOT doubt this.
8) GOD DOES NOT WAIT TO PROVIDE FOR YOU. Let that sink in. If you don't truly believe this, it will seriously cripple your own ability to provide for others, because you will not have a true understanding of love.
9) Generosity isn't about "your" giving. It's about sharing the gifts GOD has shared WITH you. Literally EVERYTHING you could ever possibly give, even if you were a billionaire, belongs to God and is "on loan" to you. You are a steward, a manager, a servant. Your job is ALWAYS CHARITY. We love because He first loved us-- likewise, we can only give because He first gave to us, and yes, that giving was out of pure Love as well!
10) God blesses you with the privilege of being able & equipped to fulfill the needs of others. He puts you in HIS role, as His representative, as a messenger of His Love. Your heart reflects God's Heart when you serve others & give generously of yourself, because such giving is God's Nature-- such giving is Love. 
11) A thought: don't just blindly "look for opportunities" without first having looked at what you HAVE to offer! Why? Because then you'll realize how MUCH you DO have, in SEVERAL aspects, and ALL of it is the free & lavish gift of God! You DO have enough money to give-- maybe only a handful of change, but by golly you CAN give it, so do so! You DO have enough time to give-- maybe only five minutes before your next appointment, but God can change a life with those 300 seconds you share! Be honest about your real limits, but refuse to make excuses about them, refuse to set any that charity hasn't, and never let any limit stop you from pushing the envelope nevertheless. Ultimately, the more of a sacrifice your giving is, the more of a blessing it will be to others and yourself, and the more it will glorify God.
12) Specifically THANK GOD for all the blessings He has given you-- individually. Make a list. Realize how much He loves you. Then pray about how you can respond to that Love by sharing every single blessing you have with others in some way.
...

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

KVOTD = the prayer hit like a knife.
"God, thank You for listening every time I speak to You. I need more of You today. Please help me to put everything else aside-- my hobbies, my worries, my doubts-- and make space for You. My time and focus is Yours."
1) God actually does hear you every time you pray. It's not "hit or miss," He's never "out of range," and He's NEVER uninterested or inattentive. He actually LISTENS to you-- He actively listens FOR you! He WANTS to hear you. He CARES what you have to say. I know it sounds impossible, that it feels arrogant and entitled even to suggest such things. But it's true. God Himself says so in Scripture. The Psalmist says God even catches every single tear we shed "in His bottle." That means He's paying that close attention, with that much tenderness, and we are that precious to Him. He's like a mother saving baby teeth, like a father whose ears are sensitive to the smallest sniffle of his child, even in the dead of night. God loves you, and He is listening to you, for you, always.
2) ...This has been my especially fervent prayer for the past several days, actually. "God, I need more of You today." With the rushed & jam-packed schedule, the media bombardment, the oversocialization, the debilitating fatigue that makes even prayer into a herculean effort... I'm thirsting for God, the Living God. I'm literally in tears from how desperately I want to just be with Him, with no orders from floating voices, no time constraints, no interruptions... it's too much to ask, and I'm afraid to ask, afraid of what I'll be given, afraid of some further exhaustion that drives me further from Him. What am I doing wrong.
3) ...oh yeah. I'm doubting. I'm worrying. I'm typing too much.
4) I have to MAKE SPACE for God. What an awful implication, that I haven't done so yet. Regardless, He won't ever force His way in. He won't impose; He's too respectful of the free will He gave us. But our hearts yearn for Him on their own. And if we do not smother or petrify them, then sooner or later, we will "remodel the entire house" to accommodate our beloved God, without even being asked to, simply because we want Him to live there-- to make His home there with us. But WE must make that space.
5) Where is my focus, truly? Where is my time being spent? Is it really on God? Or am I fooling myself?
I type too much. I want to just read about Him. But, when I don't type, I forget; I don't apply the knowledge, and I don't SHARE it either-- that lack of immediate response is torture to my conscience.
...

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Expositor's.

"Jesus did not desire a nominal discipleship, however influential and widely extended. There must be moral oneness, the sense of a common life, participation in the same great experience."
THIS IS MY BIGGEST TROUBLE WITH "MASS EVANGELIZATION" EFFORTS.
Yes, it's great to call people to Jesus, we NEED to do that... but you ALSO NEED to realize that you are calling them INTO A FAMILY, INTO HIS BODY.
...

THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS I'VE READ YET =
"A woman came to me and said: 'Pastor, my son is unsaved, and is as wicked a boy as ever lived. I have been praying in great agony over him, but, thank God, I have come to the place now where I am not troubled one whit about him or anything that he does.' I said: 'If you speak the truth, you reveal the saddest condition of the human heart that can possibly be revealed. You reveal two things: that you have lost the mother-heart, and God pity a boy who has a mother without a mother-heart; and you reveal the fact besides, that you do not know the Passion of Jesus.'"
THIS IS STAGGERINGLY SIGNIFICANT.
1) THAT POOR WOMAN THINKS LIKE MODERN SOCIETY DOES. "I don't care what you do," "it's not my problem," "your choices aren't my concern," etc. Moral relativism results in a careless amorality that bleaches out compassion and nullifies sacrificial love.
...
2) That "thank God" was like a stab wound to read. GOD ISN'T APATHETIC. That is an absolutely astounding truth that I, too, DID NOT KNOW UNTIL RECENTLY.
...
3) Intercessory prayer, sincere to the point of emotional agony, is A GOOD THING.
...
4) GOD HAS A MOTHER-HEART.
...I never knew what that meant before. I never knew what it meant to be a mother-- what a mother is supposed to do, or say, or feel, towards her children. I've always been scared to death of mothers, of motherhood, of anything and everything motherly. The entire concept filled me with terror & dread.
But God created motherhood from His Own Heart. Before anything had a mother by blood, all of Creation had a Mother in God.
That changes everything, for me at least. It means the true definition of a mother is not defined by mortal beings and it cannot be changed or corrupted by sinful people.
...
5) THE PASSION OF JESUS IS COMPARABLE TO THIS KIND OF PRAYER. That is... that sends me reeling. But it's SCRIPTURAL. Look at Gethsemane! Jesus WAS praying for us "wicked children" to the point of sweating blood from the agonized ardor of His pleas.
...


"Jesus came to this earth, for what? To teach men how to live a perfect life? Yes, in part; but that is not the main mission upon which He came. Just the mission upon which Jesus came is set forth in this second declaration of His prayer: 'For this cause came I unto this hour'. What hour? The hour of the Cross; the hour in which the penalty of the sins of the earth are to be met by the atoning work of the Cross of Calvary. That is the hour, and that is the mission that brought Christ to this earth, not to live, but to die. When He came from heaven to this earth, He was occupied with one thought: the Cross; and all through His life from the first day until the day when He was nailed upon it, the Cross stood out before Him as the one thing for which He had come to this earth. If we have left out the Cross, on which the penalty of the sins of the world was nailed with Jesus, we have left out the one supreme purpose that Jesus had in His earthly ministry."
This applies to us as Christians, too.
In any case the world denies this mission. So many "truthseekers" want Christ without the Cross. They want His "consciousness," not His crucifixion. They want His perfect Life, not realizing it was all directed towards His death. They praise His moral wisdom and teachings of practical justice, yet disregard all the details that speak of necessary suffering, sacrifice, and self-denial.
...

"The supreme appeal of the cross is the Divine atonement for sin... by an exhibition of power which triumphs over the malice of sin, and by a system of grace which abounds in fuller volume where sin did much more abound. [But in this power is also] the appeal of sympathy. It is in the face of a suffering world that the cross is raised... He did feel and did bear the extremity of physical, mental yes, even spiritual pain, so that His sympathy is literally the 'suffering with' those towards whom He exercises His tender love: and this is wide and far-reaching... there is many a soul sick with anguish, even amidst the joyous brightness of this world's fairest scene. If it be hid away, it is no less there, on which that suffering Face looks down, and which that tender appeal alone can reach."
1) The power of the Cross IS grace and mercy, even within its framework of absolute justice. We're desperately drawn to the hope of absolution and forgiveness, of course, but such a response requires not only divine Power but divine Tenderness. He wields this power to triumph over every evil deed because He is pure Goodness, invincible Truth, infinite Love-- such is Reality, and sin only an aberration in rejection of it. All the malice in the universe is nailed to the Cross, not in answering violence but through sacrificial mercy. It's a wonderful mystery.
2) THAT is where we find stunning sympathy for sinners. Christ LITERALLY SHARED ALL our suffering. He didn't just pay the debt, He didn't just clear the record, He didn't just slay the dragon.
...
3) There are no exceptions to His compassion. If you are suffering, no matter how ignored you are by the world, no matter how invisible your anguish is to mortal knowledge, Christ is suffering your pain with you, right now.