haven day 04

(041819)
I don't want to be wedded-- I want to BE THE WEDDING.

☆I've realized that when I say "I like caves and caverns" it's because I actually see them mentally as ILLUMINATED. I honestly forget that caves are naturally dark and cold, not bright and comforting!



(041819)
I need to give some serious thought & prayer to my ultimate earthly vocation. Of course, regardless of particulars, my ultimate goal and inherent core cause is to serve Christ, to love & glorify Him, to grow ever closer to Him, to testify to His power & grace in my life. But what form will that take? What should it take? What is God calling me to do?
The very thought of church, of the memories I carry of them in my heart, moves me to ecstatic weeping. Lord knows I want to join a convent, to live IN that space for the rest of my worldly days, to serve the Lord and adore Him so directly. To be a nun or sister joined to the Basilica of the National Shrine… oh how I dream of it!! But. Religious life has an acceptance process, and if the Lord in His ineffable judgment, however mysterious, says "no" to this vocation for me (although I pray He says "yes" and so moves & guides & strengthens my heart), then what other roads will open? What roads exist? Because honestly, I can only see three-- the religious life, the community life, and the married life. And strangely, surprisingly, since recovering from heathenism & transgenderism, I have been thinking-- for the first time in my life-- about children. It still feels "not quite right." I don't feel called to be a mother, let alone a wife. But I do feel a new love towards children, in a newly maternal light.


(041819)
Stress is like carrying a glass of water for too long. DRINK IT. Process & transmute it.
☆I like this analogy; it opens a lot of doors for creative analysis. What's in your cup of stress? How can we expand upon that symbolism, born from our subconscious, to learn even more about ourselves?
Is your stress-cup drinkable? If not, why? If it's Windex instead of Pepsi, why? And what sort of glass are you holding it in? A teacup, a coffee mug, a shot glass, a gallon jug? How big is it, how much does it hold? What temperature is it? Is it burning or freezing your hand? All of these things, speaking from our deep inner places, reveal a great deal about us.